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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362744">You Will Rise Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee'>Nadja_Lee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Abused Alec Lightwood, Angst, BAMF Magnus Bane, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac Being an Asshole, Love, M/M, Malec is endgame, Marriage Proposal, Moving On, Murder, Physical Abuse, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Protective Siblings, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 05:28:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Magnus breaks up with Alec due to the Soul Sword incident Alec sacrifices himself in order to keep Magnus and his siblings safe by entering into an abusive relationship with Sebastian whom no one knows is actually Jonathan. <br/>Will Magnus be able to save Alec before it’s too late? Can Magnus help Alec heal after his ordeal?<br/>To make it simple: Alec is horribly abused by Jonathan - physically and emotionally - and Magnus plans murder to save him! There! All on board for that? Good; then proceed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern (One-Sided), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1574</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Favorite Malec Stories</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Discovering the Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightasstars/gifts">brightasstars</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixStar73/gifts">PhoenixStar73</a>.</li>



    </ul><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Magnus discovers the truth regarding Alec's "new life"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.<br/>Thanks so much to Bright for the great art.<br/>Chapter warnings: Angst, regrets, Talk of rape, talk of abuse, violence/physical abuse (briefly shown), manipulation (briefly shown), talk of sex, talk of and reference to rape. Talk of murder and planning murder but it's to murder Jonathan so hopefully we are all onboard with that. ;)<br/>To make it simple: Alec is horribly abused by Jonathan - physically and emotionally - and Magnus plans murder to save him! There! All on board for that? Good; then proceed. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Please read the chapter notes for warnings - very adult themes in this story! Be warned! Also, talk of rape, sex and abuse</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<h1>Chapter 1</h1><p>Three months had passed since he had left Alec. Three months since Alec had lied to him about the Soul Sword. A week since Valentine had been killed in Idris and with him the threat of the Circle. The rumored demonic child of Valentine, Jonathan, had never been seen or found, though there were alerts out on him.</p><p>Magnus had seen Alec three times since he had broken up with him and Alec had seemed equally heartbroken each time though he had stopped trying to talk to him and apologize. He had seen Alec when Max had awoken. Magnus had been asked if he could help Max regain his memories of who had hurt him but demonic magic had been involved and he couldn’t. The memories were lost forever. The two other times had been some very tense Downworlder Cabinet meetings where he had sided with the Seelie Queen. That had turned out to be a huge mistake and he would now have to fight hard if he was to remain as High Warlock.</p><p>Mostly though Magnus had had time to think about what he had done. Was it really worth losing Alec for? The lie regarding the Soul Sword…Alec had barely known about it for a few hours and had been sworn to secrecy. Maybe with time he would indeed have broken that oath and told him if Magnus had waited. Should he demand that of Alec? That he would break any vow, any oath, for him? Because that was what he had done. His second excuse, that he had to focus on his people…great job he had done there, siding with the wrong person. In general, he had really fucked up.</p><p>Well, tonight all of that was going to change! Everyone had been invited to celebrate their victory over Valentine at the Hunter’s Moon, Magnus included. As Head of the Institute Alec was bound to be there. Still guarded with his heart and feelings Magnus had still gone all out and dressed to impress – more than usual with tight fitting pants and tunic, makeup and perfect hair.</p><p>The party was lively when Magnus arrived and he nodded in greeting when he saw Maia and Luke. He scanned the bar to try and find Alec. However, before he could find him in the crowd, he spotted Jace or rather the Nephilim spotted him. Magnus tensed a bit as Jace came over, expecting any interaction with Alec’s parabatai was bound to be unpleasant, as Alec would have told everyone by now they had broken up. No, that he had left Alec. If he were to try to fix things with Alec, he would have to be honest about his role in this. They hadn’t broken up; he had left Alec when he had needed him most! That was the truth and now Magnus had to fix things.</p><p>“Magnus, I’m not sure it’s a good idea you are here,” Jace said as greeting as he came over to him, beer in hand, frowning slightly at him.</p><p>“Oh? Why not? Warlocks not welcome?” Magnus asked with a raised eyebrow, having noticed he was indeed the only Warlock here even though he of course knew why Jace said that.</p><p>“That’s not it and you know it,” Jace protested.</p><p>“Then what?” Magnus asked, needing him to actually say it even though he knew he was going to say Alec.</p><p>“Alec has been having a very difficult time since you left. I don’t want him backsliding now that he says he is happy again,” Jace admitted, breaking Magnus heart with the ‘happy’ even though he hated himself for it. If he loved Alec he should want him to be happy; also without him but damn did that hurt to hear.</p><p>“Happy?” Magnus repeated, dumbstruck. It was selfish to think Alec had waited, in particular considering the cruel way he had broken his heart. Of course, he had moved on!</p><p>“He and Sebastian got together around two months after you left,” Jace admitted, nodding to the back of the bar to where they were but Magnus couldn’t see them in the crowd.</p><p>“Sebastian?” Magnus asked softly, fighting to breathe as he heard that, feeling like his brain had left him together with all his hopes for the evening.</p><p>What an idiot he had been! He had had his chance and he had lost it. He had lost the most amazing man he had ever known and he could only blame himself! Magnus conjured a drink and made some money appear on the bar, knowing it was against the rules to drink conjured drinks otherwise in the bar. He would need a lot of alcohol for a long time to try and forget how monumentally he had fucked this up!</p><p>“A Shadowhunter from the London Institute. He was instrumental in finding Valentine and killing him. Just in time too; he had been about to kill me,” Jace told him, a hint of pride and satisfaction in his voice as well as obvious gratitude towards the other Shadowhunter for saving his life.</p><p>“Oh,” Magnus just said, remembering how Alec had knocked on his door and asked him to join him to go after Jace and Clary to Idris. Magnus had referred him to another warlock who after the battle had told him he had made a portal for Alec and another Shadowhunter; apparently this Sebastian person. Magnus hated this Sebastian guy already even though he knew it was unfair of him to do so.</p><p>“So I will tell Alec you dropped by?” Jace suggested, not unkindly, as he nodded towards the door of the bar, indicating Magnus could leave now.</p><p>It would be an easy way out, knowing now there was no hope to get Alec back.</p><p>“No. I will do it myself,” Magnus insisted, forcing himself to stand up straight as he walked further into the bar with determined steps, his mask in place, his face and voice not betraying his agony nor the turmoil he was feeling inside.</p><p>He could do this. He just needed to see Alec, just to see he was safe. He had become so caught up in his own 100s of years old pains and neuroses he had forgotten Alec was barely more than a boy and that he had been his first everything; his first kiss, his first lover, his first boyfriend. The demands he had put on the boy, the defiance he had asked him to perform towards the Clave and his parents, knowing full well how cruel and abusive both were likely to be…. Even if Alec was happy now Magnus owed it to him to ensure he was safe. It was the least he could do.</p><p>When Magnus was halfway into the bar he saw him, Alec. He was standing and talking to a young blond Shadowhunter with kind blue eyes. Magnus remembered him…Andrew was his name. He was a good, sweet, and innocent boy. He was a good friend to Alec and Magnus was warmed and reassured in the hope Andrew had helped Alec and had eased his pain somewhat. He liked to think that at least; that Alec hadn’t suffered too much or too long alone from the heartache he had caused him. Despite the pain in his chest, Magnus hoped this Sebastian would be equally as kind.</p><p>Alec saw him and for a moment a look of pain, grief and loss passed over his face. Then he pulled himself together and plastered on the same fake smile Magnus was wearing.</p><p>“Magnus,” Alec said politely, looking down at the glass in his hand; red wine. He was now holding it with both hands, clearly not going to offer to shake his hand which Magnus was somewhat happy for. Shaking hands after having been lovers was…odd.</p><p>“Hello there, pretty boy,” Magnus said charmingly, the words seductive and humorous but his tone was pained and filled with longing.</p><p>Alec blushed and looked uncomfortable. “Oh. You…you shouldn’t say that to me,” Alec insisted, his eyes nervously going to a blond man standing at the end of the bar, his piercing blue eyes sweeping the room and settling on Alec ever so often.</p><p>There was something in his gaze Magnus didn’t like; a hint of…black in his eyes. Black? No, it couldn’t be. Black eyes were for demons and not Shadowhunters; the light was surely playing tricks on him. There was an edge to Sebastian’s gaze on Alec; it wasn’t like a lover’s visual caress to make sure he was safe. It felt…possessive. Magnus fought down the warning signals he was getting. He was just upset Alec was not with him. Alec deserved to be happy and he should tell him as much.</p><p>“Can we talk?” Magnus asked more seriously, letting his facade of charm, flirting and humor fade away. Alec deserved better than that no matter how vulnerable that might leave him, Alec had given everything to him; he had never guarded his heart against him. He deserved that Magnus at least tried now to give some of that back.</p><p>“We <strong>are</strong> talking,” Alec insisted, looking back at the man, Sebastian, Magnus assumed, with a quick and worried look before looking at Magnus again.</p><p>“Privately?” Magnus asked, wanting to offer him his well wishes for the future in private, thinking it would be easier for them both that way, so they could be more open and honest instead of keeping up appearances.</p><p>Magnus spotted the door leading to the alley behind the bar and reached for Alec’s nearest wrist, taking it in a firm grip to lead him with him, assuming Alec’s lack of protest meant he agreed.</p><p>“Augh,” Alec mumbled, tearing his wrist back and rubbing it against the side of his pants since he was still holding the glass of wine with his other hand.</p><p>Magnus frowned in concern; he hadn’t thought his grip had been that strong.</p><p>“Did I hurt you, darling?” Magnus asked worried, unconsciously using the familiar nickname and instinctively regretting doing so when he saw Alec flinch as if he had slapped him when he did so.</p><p>“Let me see,” Magnus insisted and took his hand back.</p><p>“No! I….” Alec protested but it was too late; Magnus was already inspecting his bruised wrist.</p><p>“How did this happen?” Magnus asked concerned, looking at the tender and red marks on his wrist.</p><p>He looked at Alec’s other hand, the one holding the wine glass and he noticed that he could see the edges of the same marks on his other wrist, hidden by his clothes. The red marks were tender and raw, the flesh broken in a few places. The injury was recent; maybe a day old. If he didn’t know better Magnus would have guessed the injury had been caused by cuffs; likely metal ones to make such damage. He briefly considered if the damage had been the result of some consensual sex game but from Alec’s reaction he was certain that wasn’t what this was.</p><p>“I….” Alec began nervously, licking dry lips as he blushed in embarrassment and shame. Again, his eyes travelled to Sebastian, making the hairs on Magnus’ neck stand up.</p><p>“Yes?” Magnus prompted, concerned.</p><p>“I was training.” Alec finished in a rush in a low and uncertain voice, looking down as he spoke, blushing a deep red.</p><p>“Training?” Magnus repeated with disbelief, knowing Alec well enough to know he was lying.</p><p>Alec laughed nervously and pulled his hand back, going back to holding his wine with both hands. He took a huge sip of it.</p><p>“Yes, you know how clumsy I am,” Alec said lightly but his eyes looked scared and he was avoiding looking into Magnus’ eyes as he spoke, looking at a spot behind him instead.</p><p>“Not really,” Magnus admitted with increasing worry.</p><p>“It’s fine. I’m fine,” Alec quickly assured him, too quickly for Magnus’ taste. Alec had always been a poor liar.</p><p>“Let me heal it,” Magnus offered, letting magic swirl around his right hand, holding his drink in the other.</p><p>“No!” Alec said frightened and pulled a bit away from him. He must have noticed Magnus’ confused look because he quickly added, “No, I mean…it’s fine.”</p><p>Magnus gave him a piercing look and noticed the lines around his eyes. Worried he mumbled a small spell under his breath. The spell enabled him to see places where Alec would have used iratzes to heal within the last 24 hours. For a few seconds those places would light up gold but only Magnus would be able to see it.</p><p>When the spell took effect, Magnus had to fight to control his shock and worry. Alec’s right cheek glowed, his right arm, a place on his lower back Magnus couldn’t see from his position across from him, the view made even more difficult by being hidden with clothes. It would indicate Alec had been in quite the battle recently. Because the injuries were from a battle. Weren’t they? What else could they be from? Magnus again ignored his growing uneasy feeling.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Magnus asked worried as the spell wore off.</p><p>“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” Alec quickly reassured him and downed the rest of his wine nervously.</p><p>“You don’t look fine. You look…drained, tired,” Magnus told him with worry and concern.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Alec insisted sharply, a look of panic and fear crossing his face. Then his expression softened as he added, “I am fine.”</p><p>“Ok,” Magnus agreed, unconvinced.</p><p>Alec was silent for a moment and Magnus did a hand wave, filling his wine glass and letting a bill appear on the bar counter, also refilling his own drink.</p><p>“Did you get my messages?” Alec finally asked, giving him a hurt but hopeful look.</p><p>Magnus nodded, and smiled a bit as he assured him, “I got all 126 phone messages, 23 fire messages….”</p><p>Alec winced at being reminded of all his desperate measures to try to apologize to Magnus, “Sorry.”</p><p>Magnus shook his head, trying to explain that it was not Alec who had been the problem; on the contrary. It had been his own doubts and fears.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry. I just haven’t responded to you…” Magnus started to explain, his voice filled with regret and pain.</p><p>“It’s ok,” Alec quickly assured him, interrupting him, smiling at him.</p><p>It almost broke Magnus’ heart that Alec was still so ready to defend him.</p><p>“No, it really isn’t,” Magnus insisted.</p><p>“I lied to you,” Alec admitted pained, a look of pure agony and deep regret on his face.</p><p>“I overreacted. You did what you thought was best for your people,” Magnus told him, finally saying what he should have said ages ago.</p><p>“So did you when you joined with the Seelie Queen,” Alec told him, understanding as always.</p><p>“Yes. That didn’t turn out so well,” Magnus admitted with a grimace, drinking some of his cocktail.</p><p>Alec gave him a sympathetic look.</p><p>“I heard. The Warlocks will vote to decide if you can stay as High Warlock?” Alec asked.</p><p>“Yes. In a week’s time or so,” Magnus admitted.</p><p>“I know the position matters a lot to you and you are a good leader for the community. I hope they select you,” Alec told him frankly, warmly.</p><p>“Let’s see,” Magnus said, not sure they would nor that he deserved it. He wasn’t sure if he had the strength to fight for it; why bother now anyway? He was moved by Alec’s note of confidence though; that really mattered to him.</p><p>“Alec, baby, who is this?” Sebastian asked warmly, coming up behind Alec and putting an arm around Alec’s waist, pulling him almost harshly against his body.</p><p>Magnus noticed how Alec tensed for a moment but then forced himself to relax against him.</p><p>“Sebastian!” Alec exclaimed, a hint of surprise and fear in the words that he quickly fought to hide.</p><p>“Baby, who is this?” Sebastian asked again, his voice harder now, nodding pointedly towards Magnus.</p><p>“I’m Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn,” Magnus said, offering him his hand.</p><p>“Sebastian Verlac,” Sebastian said, nodding at him in greeting as he kept one arm possessively around Alec and a drink in the other.</p><p>“Have we met before?” Magnus asked as he withdrew his hand and nodded back instead.</p><p>There was something in the man’s magical aura which was familiar somehow…Dark and familiar. It was very unusual. He had never seen such an aura on a Shadowhunter before.</p><p>“Likely around the Institute,” Sebastian said vaguely.</p><p>“Yes, likely,” Magnus agreed, getting a very bad vibe off Sebastian and certain he had never seen him before. He would have paid attention to a Shadowhunter with such an unusual magical aura.</p><p>“So what were you two talking about?” Sebastian asked, looking down at Alec, a hint of danger in the kindly spoken words.</p><p>“Nothing,” Alec quickly said, biting his lower lip nervously, looking pleadingly at Magnus.</p><p>“Nothing?” Sebastian repeated in disbelief and his grip around Alec tightened, his fingers digging painfully into his flesh in warning.</p><p>A flicker of surprise and pain crossed Alec’s face but he quickly disguised it.</p><p>Magnus didn’t like how Sebastian was holding Alec. Something was wrong; something was off. But Alec’s pleading look was his undoing so he fought down his anger and his worry.</p><p>“Yes, just pleasantries. I should be going,” Magnus said as he went along with it for Alec’s sake, nodding towards another end of the bar. Alec gave him a grateful smile and the words made Sebastian loosen his hold around him and Alec took a relieved breath when he did so.</p><p>“Very well, come, Alec,” Sebastian ordered as he turned around, pulling Alec with him.</p><p>Alec gave Magnus one last look filled with regret and longing before he was pulled away.</p><p>Magnus told himself he was imagining things but he had grown up in a world were abuse was common; he knew the signs well. There <strong>was</strong> something wrong. He knew it. The question was what to do about it because there was no way in Edom he was <strong>not</strong> doing something about this! He had lost Alec; he didn’t deserve him any longer but he would be damned if he let Alec down again; if he left him to suffer like this!</p><p>Magnus said hello to a few more people and tried to find out more about Sebastian; there was something not right about him but he could not quite put his finger on it. After an hour or so where he had observed Sebastian and Alec as discreetly as possible from a distance, he was more and more convinced it was not just jealousy. It would not be noticeable if one didn’t pay close attention or didn’t know Alec well but Magnus saw it. Alec’ laughs around Sebastian were too short, his caresses were hesitant, his eyes uncertain. Sebastian on his end seemed short-tempered, often cutting Alec off halfway through a sentence, his grip on him was firm and strong, as if showing Alec off and not as if he wanted to care and protect him and even his softer movements seemed more condescending than holding any real affection. It wasn’t about winning Alec back any longer; it was now about seeing Alec safe.</p><p>“There is something just not right with that guy,” Izzy said darkly as she sat in the booth opposite Magnus, a cocktail in her hand, nodding towards Sebastian and Alec.</p><p>“Who?” Magnus asked, to be sure they were talking about the same person.</p><p>Izzy rolled her eyes at him as only a Lightwood could.</p><p>“The one you have kept staring at as if your stare could kill him; Sebastian,” Izzy elaborated.</p><p>“Alexander seems….nervous around him,” Magnus said thoughtfully, voicing his worries delicately to try to see where Izzy stood on this.</p><p>“I thought I was the only one seeing it,” Izzy admitted, grateful to hear it wasn’t just her seeing it. “Everyone else says they look so happy together,” she added, shuddering at the idea.</p><p>“Look now,” Magnus told her, nodding in concern towards Alec and Sebastian.</p><p>They seemed to be fighting. No, fighting was the wrong word. Sebastian was speaking, looking upset, making large hand gestures, and Alec was recoiling, his own hand movements small, trying to explain but being interrupted all the time.</p><p>“What happened? Why is he so upset with Alec?” Izzy asked concerned.</p><p>“I think the drink has the wrong ingredients or not enough or something,” Magnus explained, having seen Alec go get Sebastian a drink and Sebastian gesturing towards said drink during the argument.</p><p>Sebastian now took Alec’s right upper arm in a firm grip and dragged him along with him, Alec following him compliantly but fearfully.</p><p>“What’s through that door?” Izzy asked, as Sebastian disappeared through a door, the firm grip on Alec’s arm surely strong enough to be bruising.</p><p>“The men’s bathroom,” Magnus told her grimly, fighting to remain seated but it would help no one if he rushed into anything without knowing all the facts.</p><p>“Can you…” Izzy asked worried, making a vague hand gesture towards the door to the men’s bathroom.</p><p>“Sebastian knows me but I can let us see through the mirror in the bathroom if you have a mirror on you,” Magnus explained and he had barely finished talking before she handed him a make-up mirror from her purse.</p><p>Magnus put the makeup mirror on the table so they could both see and did a hand wave over it as he said a spell. The mirror turned into a window; they were now seeing what was going on in the men’s bathroom, from the mirror perspective that was above the washbasins in there, the two mirrors connected by the spell.</p><p>
  <em>“What is wrong with you tonight, Alec? You are not paying attention,” Sebastian was scowling at him, his hands on his hips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec looked down for a moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry. I…I ordered the drink as you want it. I….” Alec mumbled nervously.</em>
</p><p>Both Magnus and Izzy almost jumped in their seats when they saw Sebastian hit Alec opened handedly on the right cheek.</p><p>
  <em>“Alec! Stop lying and making up excuses!” He warned dangerously and for a moment in his anger his eyes flashed black.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec nodded, looking down, rubbing his injured cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, sorry,” Alec said softly. </em>
</p><p>At this point, both Izzy and Magnus had to control themselves from not interfering but Magnus shook his head at Izzy; they had to know more. Alec was not defenseless and he would have noticed the black eyes just as Magnus had; there was more to this. Somehow, Sebastian had gotten him to this stage. Magnus had always done his best to build Alec up, to help him fight his feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. It seemed Sebastian had done the opposite and had fueled all of Alec’s doubts and self-hatred. Magnus cursed himself, knowing him leaving Alec had left the young Shadowhunter vulnerable.</p><p>
  <em>“You were distracted with Magnus, weren’t you?” Sebastian asked coldly, folding his arms over his chest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No! No, no,” Alec quickly assured him, his voice nervous, shaking his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian sighed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you don’t want me any longer. After everything I have done for you; helped save your little brother, helped your sister…killed Valentine before he could kill your parabatai,” Sebastian reminded him, his voice sounding pained but his eyes remained cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No! That’s not it at all,” Alec quickly denied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t you think you owe me better than this, Alec?” Sebastian asked pointedly, his voice strong.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, of course. Sorry,” Alec quickly agreed, moving closer a bit hesitantly, putting his arms around his neck, looking nervous and uncertain, and biting his lower lip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian held around his waist again and pulled him close to him. With his other hand, he took a firm hold on his cheek and gave him a hard and possessive kiss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think you should show me how much you love me when we get home tonight,” Sebastian told him when he drew back, his eyes showing his beginning arousal at the idea.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec paled, clearly knowing what that meant, “I…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes?” Sebastian prompted, raising an eyebrow at him, a warning and a challenge in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec tried for a seductive smile though it came off more nervous and hesitant. He stroked Sebastian’s cheek and asked in a low, slightly nervous voice, “Can I suck you off? I will make it good, I swear!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian gave him a disappointed look.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alec, you know I prefer to be inside of you. Why are you being all difficult about it?” Sebastian asked coldly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed and looked away for a moment as he replied quietly, “I…I still hurt from the other day and…”</em>
</p><p>Magnus almost felt like puking when he realized the marks on his wrists had likely happened at the same time. That bastard had raped him! There was no other word for it. Alec had probably not said no but that was clearly because he was not capable of saying no to Sebastian at the moment. Bastard!</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, my little blushing baby!” Sebastian exclaimed, grinning in satisfaction. He put a hand on his cheek, ignoring the slight flinch as it was the same cheek he had just hit, turning Alec back to face him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are so sweet,” Sebastian told him, his voice like strawberries dipped in poison.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you,” Alec said softly, shyly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t worry; I will make it good for you. Don’t I always ensure you come?” Sebastian asked him with a superior smirk. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed even more, a shiver of fear running through him that Sebastian clearly took as desire from the satisfied look it brought to his eyes, “Yes....”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that, baby?” Sebastian demanded, taking his chin in a bruising grip that made Alec flinch slightly from the pressure on his injured cheek. Sebastian gave him piercing look that was clearly a warning for Alec to answer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, you always take good care of me. Thank you,” Alec said, blushing in embarrassment, his voice soft and quiet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled in satisfaction before he said, “That’s my boy. Now kiss me and go get me the drink I asked for.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec almost sighed in relief and put his lips to his in a chaste kiss that Sebastian deepened with a hand on his neck, forcing his tongue into his mouth. When he was done Sebastian released him, making Alec almost stumble.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ok,” Alec said to himself, straightening his clothes, his hands shaking slightly, fighting to regain his posture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, and Alec?” Sebastian said to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes?” Alec asked apprehensively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Iratze your cheek. You know I hate to see your face bruised,” Sebastian ordered coldly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh. Yes, sorry,” Alec quickly agreed and took out his steele and added an iratze and his cheek healed so there would be no bruise from the hit. He tuned slightly so Sebastian could see and he needed approval.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Good boy,” Sebastian told him, smiling predatorily at him, making Alec smile back before he left the bathroom.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian looked after him for a second as Alec had left and nodded satisfied as he mumbled to himself with a hint of pride and conviction, “To love is to destroy.”</em>
</p><p>Magnus and Izzy sat back, dumbstruck as Magnus with a hand wave closed the connection.</p><p>“By the Angel! I will beat him so brutally he will be eating through a straw for a month!” Izzy said darkly and was about to rise from the booth when Magnus stopped her with a hand on her wrist.</p><p>“Wait, Isabelle. We need a plan,” Magnus told her, nodding for her to sit back down.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Izzy asked after she reluctantly had retaken her seat.</p><p>“Did you see Sebastian’s eyes in the mirror?” Magnus asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Izzy said thoughtfully, remembering the black eyes she had seen for a moment.</p><p>“He is at least part demon,” Magnus concluded.</p><p>“No. I know Sebastian,” Izzy insisted. “He’s a Shadowhunter. My family has known his family for years. He is clearly a jerk but I know him. He’s not a demon.”</p><p>“I think Sebastian is a glamour. Someone pretending to be him,” Magnus warned.</p><p>“What?!” Izzy asked surprised, not fully convinced. It seemed very farfetched that they could all have missed someone glamouring as one of their own for so long.</p><p>“I need to investigate this further,” Magnus admitted, frowning.</p><p>“Now I will really go kick that idiot’s ass so we can figure this out once and for all!!” Izzy said hotly.</p><p>“Wait, Isabelle. We have to think this through,” Magnus told her.</p><p>“Why?” Izzy asked, barley controlling herself when she saw Sebastian leave the bathroom.</p><p>“We both suspect Sebastian is hurting him regularly after what we just saw, right?” Magnus said pained.</p><p>“Yes,” Izzy admitted, fighting back her pain and fear for her brother at the thought.</p><p>“So, does Idris even have laws against that?” Magnus asked.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Izzy asked puzzled.</p><p>“Do you have laws that would protect Alexander?” Magnus repeated.</p><p>Izzy thought about it but then admitted, “No.”</p><p>“So realistically you can threaten Sebastian but you can’t touch him because Idris has no laws for spousal abuse nor as I recall for child abuse or any type of abuse, really,” Magnus reminded her, not unkindly.</p><p>“Believe me; I can give him one hell of a beating,” Izzy told him, her eyes shining with hatred.</p><p>“And who would suffer for it?” Magnus said softly, pained.</p><p>Magnus had tried that before, ages ago, when a woman he had cared deeply for had been abused by her husband; beating him up had just made her life worse and not better as the husband had beaten her up in retaliation, thinking she had betrayed him. The poor woman had been beaten so badly she had been bedridden for a month. Magnus had never managed to get her away; her husband had ended up killing her. In hindsight, he would have acted much differently and her fate was to this day one of his greatest sorrows.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Izzy asked puzzled.</p><p>“Sebastian would just hurt Alexander in retaliation. We need to be smart about it,” Magnus told her, his eyes taking on a dangerous edge. He would save Alec no matter what!</p><p>“What do you have in mind?” Izzy asked.</p><p>“Let me ask you frankly; are you prepared to kill Sebastian – whether it is Sebastian or someone else?” Magnus asked her directly, his tone hard and cold, making it clear he had absolutely no issues with what he was suggesting no matter if Sebastian turned out to be a Shadowhunter or something else.</p><p>“Kill? You mean…murder?” Izzy asked uncomfortably.</p><p>“Yes,” Magnus confirmed darkly. “Because if you are not then I suggest you leave this to me.”</p><p>“What are you going to do?” Izzy asked, a bit worried by the bloodthirsty look in his eyes, not that she could blame him after what they had just seen.</p><p>“Dish out some royal demonic justice. I need to plan this out,” Magnus told her, thinking about his connections to the different Hell dimensions. He needed to find out what the magical aura was; where it came from. Why Sebastian’s eyes were black. He needed to know everything about him….so he could kill him and get Alec away from him once and for all! This time he was not going to make the mistake he had done in the past. He would simply eliminate Sebastian from the equation! But first….He needed to get a hold of his father…</p><p>Magnus rose as he said, “Goodbye Isabelle. Observe him and call me if you see anything I should know about. I <strong>will</strong> save him from this; I swear!”</p><p>Magnus had tuned towards the door to the bar, determined to start making a plan to save Alec when Izzy’s voice stopped him.</p><p>“Magnus?” Izzy asked softly.</p><p>Magnus turned around and looked at her, “Yes?”</p><p>“I hate you for leaving my brother but if you save him from this I shall consider forgiving you,” Izzy told him flatly.</p><p>Magnus sighed, feeling even worse over his actions when he knew he had left Alec so devastated he had been vulnerable to a predator like Sebastian.</p><p>“If I can save him I shall consider forgiving myself,” Magnus admitted with a pained air.</p><p>Izzy nodded at him and Magnus turned and walked out the bar. He would have to put aside his pain and guilt. This was not about him and his feelings. He had to save Alec! That was all that mattered.</p><p>When he started walking around from the bar, he took out his mobile phone.</p><p>“Cat?” He asked as soon as his call was picked up.</p><p>“Magnus. What a pleasant surprise,” his friend said with warmth in her voice.</p><p>“I need help making a plan,” Magnus told her, his voice filled with urgency and worry. He was not letting Alec suffer a second longer of this torment than he had to.</p><p>“What are we planning for?” Cat asked, always there for him.</p><p>“I am not sure yet but I am thinking murder is not out of the realm of possibility,” Magnus admitted darkly, his cat eyes glowing dangerously for a moment as his emotions made him lose control.</p><p>It took less than a second for Cat to agree to that; certain if Magnus felt someone deserved to die it was with good reason.</p><p>“Alright…Shall I be over at yours in about two hours then?” Cat suggested, her voice strong and certain.</p><p>“That’s good; gives me time for a quick call to my father,” Magnus admitted, knowing of a way he could communicate with his father safety, without traveling to Edom. Asmodeus’ knowledge of all things demonic would help him figure out who this Sebastian really was and his strength before he went up against him.</p><p>“Be careful around him,” Cat warned and Magnus nodded though she couldn’t see it.</p><p>“Thank you for being there for me, Cat,” Magnus told her warmly. A friend who would help you plan a murder was a good friend indeed!</p><p>“Always,” Cat assured him as she hung up.</p><p>Magnus put away the phone and made a portal to take him to his loft. He had a Nephilim to rescue and a murder to plan! He was going to have a busy evening and…then he was going to save Alec!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments would mean so much to me so if you liked it please let me know. Thanks so much</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Love Is Sacrifice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Magnus and Cat discover more about how Sebastian/Jonathan managed to get such a strong hold over Alec and find a way to get rid of him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks much to my awesome beta readers, Cindy and Monochromatize, for great work as always!<br/>Chapter warnings:<br/>Things written in italics are flashbacks/scenes from how Sebastian/Jonathan abused Alec and include physical abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, rape (not shown but the start of it is described). Furthermore, this chapter contains threats, torture of a bad guy, planning murder of a bad guy and referenced child abuse. Also a lot of angst in here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Please read chapter notes for warnings for this chapter! Very mature themes! Things written in italics are flashbacks/scenes from how Sebastian/Jonathan abused Alec! Skip these if you don't want to read about it! </em>
</p><h1>Chapter 2: Love Is Sacrifice  </h1><p>Cat was not sure what to expect when she arrived outside Magnus’ door to his loft a little past 21:00 that evening. She had barely raised her hand to knock when the door flew open.</p><p>“Cat! Good, you’re here,” Magnus said with an eager nod and waved her inside.</p><p>She frowned when she noticed the pain in his eyes that he tried to hide and the worried lines on his face. Something bad had happened, something that had brought her dear old friend severe anguish.</p><p>“I am,” she agreed as she went inside and he closed the door behind her. “So, have we murdered anyone yet?” Cat asked, only half joking as she took off her coat and hung it up.</p><p>“Not yet but I know a bit more now so that part of the plan is very much on the table,” Magnus told her darkly as he walked into the living room and she followed him. He snapped his fingers and he had a glass of whiskey in his hands.</p><p>“Drink?” Magnus asked, shaking his whiskey for emphasis.</p><p>Whiskey; Magnus’ drink when he was troubled. This promised to be a long night.</p><p>“Beer?” Cat asked as she sat on the sofa and looked expectantly at him, waiting for him to start explaining what was going on.</p><p>“There,” Magnus said as he snapped his fingers and she had a beer in her hand. She could have done it herself but he wanted to offer all the same. She was here to help him after all; it was the least it could do.</p><p>Cat took a sip of her beer before she said impatiently, “Now, talk.”</p><p>Magnus sighed and allowed his façade to slip, letting his pain and torment shine through in his eyes and face.</p><p> “You remember Alexander, right?” Magnus began as he sat next to her on the sofa.</p><p>“Your former Shadowhunter boyfriend, yes,” Cat confirmed, nodding.</p><p>She disliked Shadowhunters but Alec had grown on her. He wasn’t like other Shadowhunters. He was mild-mannered and considerate. He had never shown any of the arrogance and superiority that most Shadowhunters she had ever met normally displayed.</p><p>Magnus winced at her words as he admitted, “Yes, that part was a mistake.”</p><p>“What was?” Cat asked puzzled.</p><p>“The former part,” Magnus admitted sadly, regretfully.</p><p>“Oh. Ok,” Cat just said, unsure what to say to that. She had talked with him after he had left Alec and he had seemed so angry then, so justified in his actions.</p><p>Magnus forced himself to stop his mind from going back into self-pity and regrets. He had done that too much lately; Alec needed him. That was all that mattered.</p><p>“Anyway, we will get to that later. First I need to save him,” Magnus told her with a determined look as he took a sip of his whiskey.</p><p>“Save him?” Cat asked surprised. “From what?”</p><p>“Jonathan,” Magnus told her darkly.</p><p>Cat looked surprised and shocked at him.</p><p>“Jonathan? Valentine’s son?” She asked, trying to make sure she got it right.</p><p>Magnus nodded, “Yes.”</p><p>“He has been kidnapped?” Cat asked confused.</p><p>Magnus shook his head, actually finding himself wishing that had been the case. It would have made everything so much easier.</p><p>“He is glamoured as a Shadowhunter called Sebastian,” Magnus explained.</p><p>“And <strong>he</strong> has kidnapped Alec?” Cat asked, even more confused now.</p><p>Magnus sighed and took a finger to the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“If only it was so easy,” he admitted. He took a deep breath before he admitted, “No, Sebastian is now in a relationship with Alec.”</p><p>“A relationship?!” Cat repeated, feeling completely shell-shocked by everything he was telling her.</p><p>Magnus nodded grimly as he said, “Yes.” He paused before he added with a pained grimace, “And he is abusing him.”</p><p>Cat took a large sip of her beer and was silent for a few moments, letting it all sink in. Her heart broke for the Shadowhunter; no one deserved that and most certainly not someone like Alec whom she had quickly realized was one of the most selfless and self-sacrificing people she had ever met; everything the majority of his race wasn’t (at least not towards Downworlders).</p><p>She noticed Magnus was looking intensely at her, awaiting a response so she finally got her thoughts sorted and said, “I can imagine; not only is he Valentine’s son but didn’t he grow up in Edom or is that just rumors?”</p><p>“He did, yes,” Magus confirmed grimly.</p><p>“You spoke with Asmodeus,” Cat concluded, a hint of worry in her voice and eyes as she said it.</p><p>Asmodeus was second in power only to Lilith. He was a powerful ally – or a dangerous enemy. More than that she knew he had manipulated Magnus as a boy and young man into acting the way he felt a Warlock should, without the care and compassion that was a cornerstone of her friend. She was therefore for obvious reasons apprehensive around him. </p><p>Magnus nodded, “Yes.”</p><p>“Safely?” Cat couldn’t help but ask. She knew Magnus would never risk letting Asmodeus come topside but had to be certain.</p><p>“I used a mirror connection. We could see and hear each other but he stayed firmly in the demonic realms; Edom from the looks of it,” Magnus quickly assured her and some of the tension left her body at his words.</p><p>“Ok. What did he have to say?” Cat asked, more at ease with this arrangement knowing that.</p><p>“He confirms the boy grew up in Edom with Lilith and that he has felt his presence topside,” Magnus told her.</p><p>“And you know Sebastian is actually Jonathan?” Cat asked and Magnus nodded. “How?”</p><p>“The aura Sebastian had when I met him today had traces of Lilith’s aura and power. When I created an illusion before the mirror so my father could see how the aura appeared to me in my mind he recognized it right away,” Magnus explained.</p><p>“So the rumor is true; he shares blood with Lilith,” Cat said, frowning in concern at hearing this. “Can we even kill someone who has Lilith’s blood? He would be immensely powerful.”</p><p>“I doubt we can kill him,” Magnus admitted regretfully. Then his cat eyes appeared for a moment and his voice became sinister as he added, “But we can send him to Edom to be killed.”</p><p>Cat nodded agreement to that; anything to get rid of someone who shared blood with both Valentine and Lilith and who now had proven all prejudice against such an offspring were true in terms of his cruelty.</p><p>“Wouldn’t Lilith protect him though?” Cat asked worried. She didn’t want Asmodeus as an enemy and she most certainly didn’t want the Queen of all the hell dimensions as her enemy either!</p><p>Magnus gave a dark smile as he said, “That is what my father hopes.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Cat asked, curious and intrigued with this plan, as she finished her beer and with a snap of his fingers Magnus refilled it for her.</p><p>“I made a deal with my father,” Magnus revealed. Cat was about to protest, worried for what that meant but he stopped her with a raised hand and continued, “Hear me out.” She fell silent and he went on, “He help us send Jonathan to Edom and when we banish him there we send him straight to my father’s palace so he can use Jonathan as bait for Lilith.”</p><p>“Help us? How?” Cat demanded to know.</p><p>“He has given me the details for how to draw a pentagram that will immortalize him and a spell that when spoken will send him to Edom,” Magnus revealed. </p><p>“And then?” Cat asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Then he is going to kill them both,” Magnus said forebodingly. “My father has promised me to torture Jonathan first though for quite a while for what he did to my Alexander!” Magnus added with dark satisfaction.</p><p>“Understandable,” Cat said as she nodded, thinking she would wish precisely the same if someone threatened anyone she loved. Warlocks were protective and possessive beings; you did <strong>not</strong> touch someone they loved without suffering the consequences!</p><p>Magnus nodded and smiled darkly, knowing she would understand.</p><p>“So, how do we get a hold of Sebastian?” Cat asked with a determined look. “I doubt he will just show up and wait nicely while we send him to his death,” she added sarcastically.</p><p>Magnus was thoughtful for a moment before he suggested, “He was clearly very possessive of Alexander tonight so we could maybe use this against him, to lure him here.”</p><p>“Maybe but how much do you know about what makes him tick? What will trigger him to actually show up?” Cat asked thoughtfully. “I mean if he just stay away from us he is safe and has everything he wants; the Nephilim fooled and Alec right where he wants him.”</p><p>“Yes, we need to rattle his cage,” Magnus admitted, thinking of how they could do just that.</p><p>He didn’t want Alec to spend as much as one hour more with that bastard but without seeing either of them more than those few minutes earlier in the evening how would he know what would indeed rattle Jonathan enough to come and meet him, to take that risk? Admittedly Jonathan would also know it was unlikely Magnus could harm him but why bother? Why even risk it? He had won; Valentine was dead, the Nephilim loved him as Sebastian and whatever twisted needs he had were covered by his control over Alec. </p><p>“We need to find out a bit more about his relationship with Alec,” Cat concluded for the both of them.</p><p>“Yeah,” Magnus agreed, frowning with fear and worry. One thing was thinking he knew how Jonathan mistreated Alec but to know it for certain…to ‘see’ it….it would be devastating.</p><p>An idea suddenly came to Cat and she gave Magnus an encouraging smile as she asked, “Do you have something of Alec’s?”</p><p>Realization dawned on Magnus when she spoke and he nodded, knowing where she was going with this.</p><p>“Yes, a sweater,” Magnus said and rose to get it from the bedroom.</p><p>He didn’t want to admit it but the sweater was lying on his bed; when his anger had disappeared and he had realized what a huge mistake he had made Alec’s sweater, the only clothes he had left here at the loft, had made him feel better. He had even taken to sleeping wearing it; it still smelled slightly of him; making it both painful and soothing for him to wear. </p><p>“Good,” Cat said as Magnus came back and handed her the comfy looking black sweater. “I will do the spell; you focus on Alec as you have the strongest memories of him.”</p><p>Magnus sat next to her on the sofa and emptied his drink, knowing he would need the liquid courage for what was to come. He put the now empty whiskey glass on the table. Cat put her half-empty glass of beer on the table as well and they turned slightly so they were facing each other.</p><p>“Now, be prepared that we might witness some painful memories,” Cat warned him, a sympathetic look in her eyes. “The spell will let us see events from Alec’s perspective.”</p><p>Magnus nodded grimly, shuddering at the thought of seeing more of what he had seen with Izzy earlier but he forced himself to shake it off and pull himself together. Alec needed him. This wasn’t about him or his sorrow, self-recrimination and regret at having ever left Alec.</p><p>“Yes. I’m ready,” Magnus said strongly, determined.</p><p>Cat folded her hands, holding a piece of the sweater between them. Magnus closed his hands over hers, facing her, their eyes intensely focused on each other. Cat mumbled the spell under her breath and both their hands started to glow as they used their magic to reach out across time and space to see Alec’s memories.</p><p>“Ok, focus on Alec and then focus on a memory, a time,” Cat told him.</p><p>Magnus nodded, focusing, his magic mixing with hers, strengthening and boosting their powers.</p><p>“Let’s start at the beginning – the first time Jonathan showed an interest in Alexander,” Magnus decided, fighting to keep his emotions about this down and instead focus on willing their combined magic to obey them and show them what they wanted.</p><p>Suddenly an image appeared inside their minds; the memory they had searched for. It was fuzzy around the edges and from Alec’s point of view. Alec was in the Institute’s hospital wing, standing next to Max’s bed. Max was unconscious and looked very pale. Alec’s eyes were puffy as if he had just been crying and Magnus realized he recognized his outfit. This memory was from a few hours after he had left him, walking into the elevator and leaving him behind, outside his injured brother’s hospital room. Magnus fought down his self-hatred at seeing it even though the memory was only virtual and didn’t reveal Alec’s feelings. How could he have left Alec like this? When he needed him the most? His distraction made the memory fade a bit and Magnus quickly cleared his mind and again focused only on the memory; he could wallow in pity later. Right now, he had to save Alec!</p><p>
  <em>“Alec, I can save your brother. I can ensure he wakes up and will be fully himself, physically and mentally. The Silent Brothers’ can’t give you this guarantee and no one would need to know. It would do him no harm for the Silent Brothers to look at him afterwards,” Sebastian said, his voice kind and his expression concerned as he came over to Alec, looking from the unconscious boy and then back at Alec.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can?” Alec asked hopefully, biting his lower lip nervously and squeezing his hands together helplessly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian nodded and put a comforting hand on Alec’s arm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes. I learned a rare spell in London. I can save him and ensure he wakes up without any complications,” Sebastian promised.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec was thoughtful for a moment before he looked at Sebastian with pleading eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please do. I just lost Magnus. If I lose Max too…” Alec’s voice died away, his voice breaking as he fought to keep back tears. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian squeezed his arm reassuringly as he said, “Don’t worry; you won’t. But…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But what?” Alec asked eagerly, puzzled, when Sebastian stopped talking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The spell requires a gift,” Sebastian admitted, looking reluctant to admit it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What gift?” Alec asked worried. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A gift from someone who loves him,” Sebastian clarified. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can give that,” Alec quickly offered. “What type of gift?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“As I am performing the spell the gift should be offered to me,” Sebastian went on, looking a bit embarrassed to admit that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“To you?” Alec asked surprised.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian shrugged and a hint of steel entered his eyes as he said, “I don’t make the rules.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec thought about it for a second before he asked, “Ok. What do you want?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian pretended to think about it for a moment before he suggested, “How about you agree to go on a date with me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed and looked away for a moment before he got out, “I….I don’t think…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“One date for your brother’s life. Doesn’t it seem fair?” Sebastian interrupted, his voice harder now, holding an edge. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec hesitated but then nodded, “Well….yes.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled but the smile never reached his eyes, making the smile more creepy and sinister than warm and promising as he said, “Good. It’s a deal then.”</em>
</p><p>The image faded from their minds and Cat and Magnus looked at each other.</p><p>“I am not aware of any spell that are structured as he says,” Cat snorted and Magnus nodded grimly.</p><p>“My guess is that Jonathan was the one to harm Max in the first place. Being Lilith’s offspring he knows how to remove memories so even I can’t get them back. He could then either kill or cure Max and he must have seen he could use Max like this against Alec,” Magnus said, cringing at the thought that Jonathan had used Alec’s self-sacrifice and love for his family against him.</p><p>“So, so far we know that Jonathan is intelligent and went single-mindedly after Alec and that he is quite good at manipulating situations so they fit what he wants,” Cat summarized.</p><p>“Let’s jump ahead to how he got Alexander to continue this,” Magnus said with barely suppressed anger.</p><p>A new memory formed. Alec and Sebastian were standing in Alec’s room in the Institute.</p><p>
  <em>“Alec, I thought we had a deal,” Sebastian said, frowning, looking annoyed and betrayed at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec quickly nodded and assured him, “We did. We do! But…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian shook his head, his eyes blazing, interrupting him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“When I said the gift was one date I did not know I would have to use the spell several times to ensure Max stays healthy. It is very draining for me to perform it,” Sebastian said with a pained air. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry about that. I am very grateful you…” Alec started to say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If I didn’t know better I would think you don’t like me,” Sebastian interrupted him again, giving him a piercing look. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No! I do,” Alec assured him and laid a hesitant hand on his forearm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But being kind to me is too high a price for your brother’s life?” Sebastian asked coldly. “You know I could have asked for anything. The spell only works with a gift,” Sebastian added with a hint of regret in his voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec shook his head and quickly assured him, “No, no. Of course. I’m sorry. Of course I will stay with you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled darkly as he ordered, “Good. Now, kiss me and it will be forgotten.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec hesitated, blushing, clearly uncomfortable but forced himself to move closer and touched his lips in a feather light kiss. Sebastian took one arm around his waist and a hand on his neck and deepened the kiss, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Alec initially stiffened but then forced himself to go limp and put his hands loosely on Sebastian’s hips, closing his eyes and trying to breathe evenly. When Sebastian drew back he was smiling but when he saw Alec looked flustered and uncomfortable he raised a warning eyebrow at him. Alec quickly plastered on a smile that never reached his eyes.  </em>
</p><p>The scene faded and Magnus and Cat were left looking at each other, anger in both their eyes they were trying hard to control to be able to continue the spell.</p><p>“If I didn’t support you killing him before, I certainly do now!” Cat said furiously. “What a manipulative asshole! I have never heard of any healing spell that will require doing that. It’s pure bullshit!”</p><p>Magnus nodded agreement; they knew it was a lie but people without magic wouldn’t know and would certainly never risk a loved one’s life to bet on that. He fought hard to control his anger, sorrow and pain at what he had just seen, how his angel had suffered and all because he had been afraid; afraid to admit how much Alec mattered to him. Well, never again! He was never leaving Alec ever again. </p><p>“Let’s jump ahead to when he starts to lose control of his demonic side,” Cat suggested and Magnus nodded, fighting to control his temper long enough for a new memory to appear.</p><p>Alec and Sebastian were in Alec’s room again and just as the memory appeared Sebastian’s open hand made contact with Alec’s cheek, sending his head flying to the side. Cat and Magnus gasped in horror and sympathy at seeing this but fought down their feelings to be able to see the memory.</p><p>
  <em>“What? Why? Why did you do that?” Alec asked shocked and surprised as he put a hand to his tingling and warm cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alec! I’m so sorry but you just made me so scared!” Sebastian said worried, putting a hand on his arm and ignoring the way Alec drew instinctively back from him. “Don’t do that again, ok?” He half pleaded and half warned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec gave him a confused look as he got out, “I….”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know how much I love you. How much I do for you and your family. Your sister, saving Max…” Sebastian interrupted, a suffering look on his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The mention of his family changed Alec’s expression and he now looked apologetic.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, yes, of course,” Alec quickly assured him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know you mean the world to me,” Sebastian told him as he took Alec’s hand away from his stinging cheek and kissed it tenderly, making Alec blush and look away in confusion. </em>
</p><p><br/>The memory faded and Cat and Magnus were left looking shocked and puzzled at each other.</p><p>“He really is his father’s son; destroying what he claims to love,” Cat said shocked. She noticed Magnus’ hands were shaking where they were covering hers and she added concerned, “Are you ok?”</p><p>“Yes, we need to continue,” Magnus said, forcing his hands to be still, forcing his fury and his pain away. “I <strong>need</strong> to see if he has ever mentioned me before tonight.”</p><p>“Ok, let’s jump again,” Cat agreed and they focused their magic until a new memory appeared.</p><p>The memory took place in a new room at the Institute; Sebastian’s bedroom from the looks of it. Sebastian and Alec was on the bed, kissing when Sebastian rolled over so Alec was beneath him, pinning him down under the weight of his body.</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian, No!” Alec exclaimed and pushed against his chest until Sebastian moved and Alec sat up, taking deep breaths, his eyes shooting daggers at him as he said, “I said no, OK?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian took a deep breath and then sat up as well, next to Alec. After a few seconds he remarked casually but his eyes were clouded in fury, “I saw your warlock the other day.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec turned to look at him, giving him a fearful and concerned look, “Magnus?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian nodded and gave him a dark smile as he said threatening, “It would be a shame if something were to happen to him.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec looked shocked and worried at him as he got out, his voice weak and hesitant, “You wouldn’t…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian shook his head as he suddenly put a hand to hold on to Alec’s neck, squeezing hard, his eyes dark as he interrupted him, “Of course not!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec pulled slightly against Sebastian’s grip around his neck but fear for Magnus made him stop struggling and he gave Sebastian a confused and fearful look, unsure what to do, “I….”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not if you come here as I told you to,” Sebastian told him, interrupting him, pulling him back on the bed. After a second of instinctive tensing Alec let himself fall back on the bed next to Sebastian.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian?” Alec asked confused and afraid as they lay on the bed next to each other, turning to look at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled evilly at him as he said darkly, “Warlocks…so much can happen to them. I am quite the expert in capturing warlocks you know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec tensed, his eyes clouding over, fighting his instinct to pull away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ok, ok,” Alec said softly, defeated, looking down, blushing in embarrassment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ok, what, Alec?” Sebastian said harshly, squeezing his throat painfully. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec tensed but then forced his body to relax as he blushed even more and replied quietly, “I’ll do what you want.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian released his hold on him with a superior smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then come here!” Sebastian ordered sharply and Alec moved closer to Sebastian. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before Alec had time to react, Sebastian was again on top of him and had pinned his arms together above his head, holding his wrists together with one hand. Alec turned to turn his face away but Sebastian used his other hand to take his chin in a bruising grip, forcing him to look at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” Sebastian asked with a light note but darkness lurked just behind the words. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec’s eyes flickered but Sebastian tightened his grip on his wrists and his chin painfully, making Alec flinch in pain for a second before he forced the words out, “N…No.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Tell me you want me,” Sebastian demanded, his breath hot against Alec’s skin, his words whispered into his ear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec tensed and shook his head, going pale, “No!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian gave him a disappointed look as he said, “I thought you cared for that Warlock? Maybe not.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec tensed, fighting down his fears as he hastily said, “No, wait! I’ll do it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled evilly as he said, “Good. Go on then.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec gave him an openly pleading look, all sense of self and pride forgotten in the idea that Magnus could be hurt, could be in danger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just…don’t hurt him,” Alec begged. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian gave him a cold look as he said, “Not if you do as you’re told.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec fought against himself and bit his lower lip nervously as he looked down, forcing his body to go limp under Sebastian as he said, “Ok.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian gave him a dark look as he said annoyed, “And do look a bit more enthusiastic, Alec. It’s not a funeral after all.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry,” Alec got out and forced a smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled back, all teeth and dominance as he said satisfied, “Much better!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian started to kiss Alec’s neck and Alec turned his head to give him access, forcing himself to lie still and just endure it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian stopped what he was doing when he didn’t get the reaction he wanted and said in a dangerous tone, “And I want to hear you. I want you to tell me how much you are enjoying it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed in shame and tried to look away but Sebastian forced his head back to look at him with a hand on his chin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I…Please, I….” Alec got out, his words quiet and weak, his cheeks flaming red. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that?” Sebastian asked dangerously and moved his hand on his chin to his throat, squeezing more and more till Alec got red-faced, fighting for air. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I…” Alec got out, fighting for breath but forcing himself not to fight Sebastian to get off him. Sebastian smirked and released his grip a little but still holding tight around his throat. “Please, I want it,” Alec finally got out, shame making his cheeks flame red and hot and tears of humiliation came to his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian grinned darkly as he released his hold on his throat and said, “Good!”</em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The memory faded, leaving Cat and Magnus lost in their anger and helplessness.</p><p>“We should stop now,” Cat offered kindly as she saw Magnus had tears down his cheeks and his cat eyes were visible from fury and despair. She winced in understanding; the worst pain was often not being the one tormented but the one left to witness it.</p><p>“No!” Magnus said hotly, feeling overwhelmed and almost numb at what he had seen. Alec had done all of this; scarified everything to keep him safe. Even when they hadn’t been together. Even when he had left him at such a horrible time in his life. Even then Alec had loved him so much he had been willing to endure anything to see him safe. The thought, the idea, that anyone loved him this much…it was breathtaking.</p><p>“I need to know Jonathan’s mindset tonight. We need to see that,” Magnus got out, fighting not to drown in his feelings, in his own helplessness, reproach and agony.</p><p>Magnus’ mind was spinning with all the things he could have done differently; mocking him with his own fears and weaknesses and how they had led to all of this. No! He <strong>had</strong> to focus on Alec!  </p><p>“You sure?” Cat asked softly. “We can wait.”</p><p>“We can wait but Alexander can’t!” Magnus said strongly, fighting to get his pain under control. “Do it; this is not about me or you.”</p><p>Cat nodded determined, admiration for her friend’s strength in her voice as she said, “Ok. Let’s jump till tonight then.”</p><p>The memory showed Sebastian and Alec in Sebastian’s room at the institute. Alec had been backed up against a wall and had moved to the corner of the room. His face was bruised and there was blood from a split lip. Sebastian’s hand fell hard on Alec’s cheek and he knelt down, putting his hands over his head to protect himself, trying to make himself as small of a target as possible.</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian, please, stop!” Alec begged, his voice frightened and pleading, fighting to compose himself as he removed his hands a little to look up at Sebastian. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I saw how you looked at that Warlock!” Sebastian thundered as he loomed over him, his hands fists, his eyes black and blazing down at him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before Alec could respond, Sebastian fisted his hair and started to drag him towards the bed. Alec tried to find his footing, instinctively fighting against him but Sebastian’s demonic power was no match for him, in particular not without his runes which left him as little more than a well-trained Mundane. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Alec cried out fearfully as Sebastian almost flung him onto the bed as if he was a ragdoll. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec quickly turned around so he was on his back and stared frightfully at Sebastian standing at the end of the bed, looking threatening at him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is that how this is going to be, hmm? You run to him as soon as he’s back!” Sebastian accused dangerously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian crawled onto the bed and Alec tried to move away but he used his demonic strength to quickly pull him back and pinned him under his body, Alec’s hands pinned painfully over his head, Sebastian holding them together with one hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Alec protested, shaking his head to emphasize his point, his fear and worry coming off him in waves. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“After everything I have done! I save your parabatai’s life! That debt means nothing to you apparently. I saved your sister and your brother too and this is how you thank me!” Sebastian assured dangerously and backhanded Alec hard, his face flying to the side from the force of the hit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, no, please! I didn’t mean anything by it. I swear!” Alec assured him, his voice fearful and pleading when he turned his head back to look at him with huge frightened eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian’s expression darkened further and he hit him again and again, four more times, rapidly, hard, Alec groaning at the pain Sebastian’s demonic strength added to each hit on his already abused cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shut up!” Sebastian roared darkly as he moved a hand down and started to undo his pants. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seeing what he was doing Alec panicked and tried to wiggle away from him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian! Sebastian, don’t!” Alec begged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stop this nonsense!” Sebastian ordered sharply and hit him with a fist in the ribs, making him wince in pain. “You know I hate when you make a scene,” Sebastian reminded him with an air of annoyance. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please, don’t. Don’t do this, please,” Alec begged as Sebastian had managed to get his pants and underwear down and now started to unbutton Alec’s jeans. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I said…!” Sebastian hissed darkly as he hit him hard in the face, sending Alec’s head flying to the side and making him bite himself in the lip, breaking skin and tasting blood. Sebastian made a triumphant sound when he managed to get Alec’s pants and underwear down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec mumbled feverish protests as Sebastian moved off him only to force him to flip over so he was on his stomach. He had barely moved before Sebastian’s weight was pinning him down, making it hard to breathe, forcing Alec’s legs apart so he could lay between them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Be quiet! It will just be worse if you persist in making such a scene!” Sebastian warned him darkly, the threat whispered hot against Alec’s ear and making him freeze in fright, clearly knowing, remembering, that he was right, letting himself go limp and pliant under him instead to avoid greater pain, his cheeks hot with humiliation and his eyes burning with hatred and pain as he endured what had to be endured. </em>
</p><p>The memory faded and again Cat and Magnus were left looking at each other, fighting for air, fighting to calm down, both wishing it would be possible to murder Sebastian a hundred times over.</p><p>“Damn! I so want to murder him too! With my bare hands!” Cat got out in fury and shock as she pulled her hands back and Magnus did likewise.</p><p>Magnus looked shell-shocked and pained. He had expected as much but seeing it…it was completely different. He thought he had had suffered agony and heartache before but nothing could compare to the pain he felt at seeing Alec suffer like this and even worse…suffer to see him safe. Alec had endured this for his family and for him. He had left him, accused him of being untrustworthy, had refused to help him…and yet still Alec had endured this to see him safe. Tears ran freely down his cheeks as Magnus silently vowed he would spent the rest of his life trying to prove himself worthy for a love as pure as Alec’s.   </p><p>“Yeah…This is from tonight. I first saw him tonight. This is happening now!” Magnus got out, almost feeling like he was choking and dying all at once.</p><p>Cat stroked his arm sympathetically as she said, “I’m sorry, Magnus. We will get him away. I swear.”</p><p>“We need him away <strong>tonight</strong>!” Magnus said hotly, his eyes flashing his anger and pain.</p><p>Cat nodded grimly. “We will.” Cat paused as she added darkly, “Between Valentine’s lessons about destroying what you love and Lilith no wonder he is so fucked up.”</p><p>Magnus fought down his pain and worry for Alec, thinking of Jonathan and how he could use him, exploit what he knew.</p><p>“Yes. I think he truly thinks what he has with Alec is love. This is how he understands love; painful and filled with power and dominance,” Magnus said aloud.</p><p>“How will you lure him away?” Cat asked as she with a snap of her fingers refilled his whiskey and handed it to him, thinking he needed it after what they had seen.</p><p>Magnus downed it all in one go and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand before putting the glass back on the table.</p><p>“I will send him a fire message now,” Magnus said darkly as he wrote a message and send it off.</p><p>“Ok. What did you write?” Cat asked after taking a sip of her beer, feeling unbalanced and shaken almost as much as Magnus was.</p><p>“That he should come tomorrow at dawn and meet me here to talk about Alexander and who he really belongs to,” Magnus told her darkly.</p><p>Cat was thoughtful for a moment before she said, “Playing to his ego, possessiveness and the insecurity he clearly has regarding your past with Alec.” She paused before she nodded and said, “Yes, that might work.”</p><p>Magnus smirked dangerously as he said, “Oh, he won’t come here. He will counter and say we should meet somewhere else; this is a game of power for him after all.”</p><p>Cat was thoughtful for a moment before she admitted, “Yes. He wouldn’t want you to have the upper hand.”</p><p>She had barely spoken before a fire message flew into Magnus’ hand. He gave Cat a knowing look after he had read the message and told her, “And there it is. Tomorrow at dawn at the old paper mill down at the docks.”</p><p>The fire message dissolved and Magnus quickly send off a new message.</p><p>“What you did respond?” Cat aske curiously, thinking that from her friend’s cunning approach she was glad she was his friend and not a foe.</p><p>“I suggested tomorrow at dawn at the deserted factory up the road,” Magnus told her.</p><p>“Why there?” Cat asked confused.</p><p>“The lay lines run right under it,” Magnus told her.</p><p>She nodded in understanding; that would make the pentagram they would have to draw and get Jonathan to stand on or under more powerful in order to send him to Edom.</p><p>“Wouldn’t he know that though?” Cat asked worried.</p><p>“If he checks but I think he will be too upset to do so,” Magnus told her knowingly.</p><p>Cat shrugged, not sure of that but hoping so, “Maybe.”</p><p>Just then a fire message flew into Magnus’ hands and after he had read it he smiled superiorly at Cat as he told her, “And he said yes.”</p><p>Cat grinned as the fire message dissolved and took another sip of her beer, “Great!”</p><p>Magnus nodded and drank a large amount of his whiskey before he said determined, “We should go prepare the trap.”</p><p>*                    *                    *</p><p>Cat and Magnus had prepared the trap at the deserted old factory up the road from Magnus’ loft and were ready; now all they had to do was wait, which was the most difficult part for either of them. To minimize the risk of Sebastian suspecting them they had drawn the pentagram on the ceiling and just had to get him under it. They had ensured that by leaving only one way in and Magnus was standing just outside the pentagram so if Jonathan wanted to stand face to face with him he would be standing right under the pentagram.</p><p>Cat was hanging back, staying at a corner of the room, behind Magnus, ready to interfere if things got out of hand. She was prepared to start chanting the spell that would send Jonathan to Edom as soon as he was inside the pentagram.</p><p>Jonathan entered the building precisely on time and walked confidently, with an air of superiority, over to where Magnus stood, oblivious to the pentagram painted above him.</p><p>“Magnus Bane,” Sebastian smirked darkly. He noticed Cat behind him, hanging back and their eyes met, reflecting mutual displeasure, distrust and contempt. He quickly dismissed her as a threat as he added, “And you brought a friend I see.”</p><p>“Sebastian,” Magnus greeted with barely contained anger, his eyes shooting daggers at him. Never before had the saying <span class="u">if looks could kill</span> been more appropriate than right now.</p><p>“Why did you call me here?” Sebastian asked as he came to a stop before him, giving him a curious but piercing look.</p><p>“Why did you come?” Magnus challenged.</p><p>“I wanted to see what was so special about you for Alec to be so hung up on you,” Sebastian admitted and looked him up and down, taking in his fancy outfit, his makeup and his painted nails. Sebastian snorted as he added, “Seeing you now I can’t see it.”</p><p>“Why are you with Alexander?” Magnus challenged, needing to know, needing some kind of closure, of understanding.</p><p>“I love him,” Sebastian said evenly.</p><p>“You abuse him!” Magnus accused hotly, his hands forming fists at his side.</p><p>“To love is to destroy. So I love him,” Sebastian explained as if to a child.</p><p>“Lovely,” Cat mumbled darkly, feeling almost sick at hearing love twisted so brutally into pain and torment.</p><p>“Why him?” Magnus insisted, pain in his voice.</p><p>“Why not him? He was there and he was easy pickings. Clary I couldn’t show my true nature to, the depth of my love. It would scare her away. Jace would see it at once; he knows Valentine like I do. Isabelle was already mine; I could have had her in my bed with a snap of my fingers. It was too easy. Alec…oh, Alec was perfect! And best if all; he used to be yours,” Sebastian said darkly, a challenge clear in his voice as well as excitement.</p><p>“What do I have to do with this?” Magnus asked darkly, confused.</p><p>“My mother, Lilith, always spoke of your father, Asmodeus. She hates him but she also fears him. He is the only one who can potentially dethrone her and she knows it. I thought it would be interesting to see what appeals to the son of a prince of Hell,” Sebastian admitted with a dark smirk.</p><p>Magnus’ eyes narrowed dangerously and his cat eyes appeared as he said with a deadly sweetness, “Well, good of you to mention my father because you will see him soon.”</p><p>“What?” Sebastian asked confused. Then as Cat started to mumble the spell and Magnus followed suit, also starting to chant the spell, a cage of magic, like shiny golden see through walls, appeared all around Sebastian, locking him in a magical square box.</p><p>“What are you doing?! This won’t hold me! I <strong>will</strong> break free!” Sebastian threatened and hit the nearest magical wall with a fist in anger, his eyes black with his fury.</p><p>The spell done Magnus stopped chanting and gave Sebastian a dark look as he said sinisterly, “I know. In time.” He paused dangerously before he added, proving he was indeed his father’s son, “You will be in Edom before that happens!”</p><p>“Half-breed!” Sebastian spat the insult out, having heard it himself so often he had come to know the pain the word and the implications of it brought with it. His eyes were ablaze with fury and hatred as he hammered against the magical wall.</p><p>“Stones and glass windows,” Magnus reminded him with a tus tus motion of his hand.</p><p>“I will kill you for this!” Sebastian threatened angrily.</p><p>Magnus smiled darkly at him as he said, “No, I will have my father use you to kill your mother and <strong>then</strong> he will kill you.” Magnus paused as he added with dark satisfaction, “He has promised me it will be slow and excruciatingly painful!”</p><p>Sebastian gave him a surprised look, a hint of fear finally coming to his eyes as he demanded to know, “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Oh? You don’t get it?” Magnus mocked. “You will be bait for Lilith so Asmodeus can capture and kill her before he deals with you. My deal with him is that he gets you, gets rid of you, agonizingly slowly, and in return I support his rule over all the Hell dimensions,” Magnus explained in a sinister voice.</p><p>“You!!!” Sebastian got out, his eyes ablaze, his fury skyrocketing as he hammered furiously with his fists against the magical wall before him to no avail.</p><p>“But before you go…A parting gift from me!” Magnus said dangerously as he snapped his fingers and fire appeared around Sebastian’s legs, burning everywhere, eating at his clothes, working its way up his body.</p><p>“Ahhh!” Sebastian screamed in horror and pain, turning this way and that way to escape but to no avail; the flames were on him, in him, burning everything, tearing his skin apart piece by piece.</p><p>“For hurting Alexander!” Magnus said darkly and snapped his fingers and now Sebastian felt like his whole body was being cut all over, with small knives. The death of a thousand cuts…suddenly that ancient torture method had a new meaning for Sebastian as one cut after another appeared on his body.</p><p>“Stooop!” Sebastian screamed, yelling in agony, his body in more pain than he had ever thought possible and after growing up with Valentine and then Lilith that said quite a lot.</p><p>“Not likely!” Magnus said darkly, enjoying the show.</p><p>“Five more minutes, Magnus. The cage won’t hold him any longer than that!” Cat warned him as she came to stand next to him, looking at Sebastian mumbling and soon screaming in agony inside the magical box they had put him in.</p><p>Magnus nodded grimly as he said, “Good. Then he suffers five more minutes!”</p><p>Cat was unsure Magnus was keeping track of time, so focused was he on ensuring Sebastian got the maximum punishment he could give him.</p><p>“One minute, Magnus. Send him off. Now!” Cat warned, her voice between an order and a plea.</p><p>Magnus gave Sebastian a piercing look filled with hatred. Sebastian’s whole body was burned and he was clearly in pure agony now, his whole world starting and stopping with pain.</p><p>“Goodbye, Jonathan. If you thought your mother knew torture you have clearly never met my father!” Magnus warned as he snapped his fingers and with one final yell of horror and pain Sebastian, Jonathan, disappeared and reappeared inside Asmodeus’ palace in Edom.</p><p>“Finally!” Cat said with a breath of relief, happy to see him gone. “Now what?”</p><p>Magnus gave her a strong and determined look as he started to walk out of the building, Cat following him.</p><p>“Now…Now, I go get Alexander!” Magnus told her, his voice filled with worry, care, love, strength and power.</p><p><em>Hang on, Alexander. I am going to get you and I will never, ever, leave you again. Ever!</em> Magnus thought with both great fondness and great regret for his past deeds as Cat and him left the old factory and walked towards the NY Institute.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and feedback would mean so much to me! Having had meaningful conversations with the dog and cat for some days now my next option is talking to the plants and I would so much rather talk to YOU so if you liked this please do leave kudos and a comment. :)<br/>Btw, let me know if you guys want more flashback scenes moving forward of Alec's suffering or we should focus on the healing and moving on.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Eventually</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Magnus discover that rescuing Alec requires more than just getting rid of Sebastian/Jonathan.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.<br/>Chapter warnings: Angst, healing, therapy. In flashbacks relating to Sebastian/Jonathan (written in italics so you can avoid them if you want): References to rape and physical and psychological abuse and manipulation.<br/>A special shout out to brightasstars in connection with this chapter who firmly believes in recovery, growing stronger and overcoming obstacles.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Please read the chapter notes for warnings - abusive scenes with Sebastian/Jonathan are written in italics so you can avoid them if you want</em>
</p><h1>Chapter 3: Eventually</h1><p>Magnus knocked on the door to Sebastian’s room at the NY Institute, knowing from the vision he had seen with Cat that Alec would be there. He was grateful Izzy, who had let Cat and him into the Institute, allowed him to do this on his own. He wasn’t sure what state Alec would be in when he found him and he didn’t want Izzy to have to deal with that. He was finding it hard enough himself to know Alec had suffered like this while he had been angry with him over something as silly as Alec not having told him right away about the Soul Sword.</p><p>He didn’t wait for Alec to respond to his knock, worried for his safety and eager to see him. Magnus drew a relieved breath when he saw he was all right….somewhat at least. He was facing away from the door and was just about to pull a turtleneck over his head. His wrists had red marks and his torso and arms had colorful bruises but he could see the faint marks from healing runes, betraying that the injuries had been worse but that he had been healed just enough to be able to get through his workday without anyone noticing. Clearly, Jonathan wanted his abuse to stay hidden. Magnus briefly wondered how often he had done something like this; hurt Alec horribly and then used healing runes to ‘fix it’. It made him want to torture him for eternity and then some!</p><p>Alec stiffened when he heard the door.</p><p>“I…I’m almost ready to go,” Alec assured quickly, his voice nervous. Having put the sweater on he turned around as he continued to speak, “I….” Alec froze in surprise and shock and all he got out was, “Magnus!”</p><p>Magnus smiled reassuringly, fighting not to show how affected he was from seeing Alec’s bruises. He tried not to think about what he had seen in the spell with Cat.</p><p>“Hi darling,” Magnus said softly as he came a bit closer.</p><p>Alec went white and shook his head.</p><p>“You can’t be here!” Alec said sharply, pointing towards the door.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Magnus assured him, having almost reached him.</p><p>Alec kept shaking his head, getting increasingly worried and agitated.</p><p>“No, No. You have to go. Now!” Alec insisted, walking up to him and nodding towards the door, glancing over at it nervously.</p><p>“Darling, it’s ok. Sebastian is not coming back,” Magnus reassured him and tried to reach out and touch his arm but Alec quickly drew back, avoiding the touch.</p><p>“He can be back any minute. You have to leave. Now!” Alec insisted, his breathing coming in gasps, starting to hyperventilate, his palms sweaty, and his eyes going to the door every other second nervously.</p><p>“Alexander, relax. Calm down,” Magnus said worried.</p><p>“No, please. You don’t understand. It’s not safe!” Alec insisted, fighting for air, desperate to make Magnus understand he couldn’t be here! He didn’t understand what would happen!</p><p>“It’s ok. Relax. I am here to take you away from all of this,” Magnus insisted, trying for a soft voice and again tried to touch him but Alec flinched away once more.</p><p>“Magnus, please. It’s not safe for you. Please, please leave,” Alec begged desperately.</p><p>“I’m safe. It’s fine,” Magnus insisted as calmingly as he could.</p><p>“Please, you have to leave,” Alec begged, barely able to breathe, tears coming to his eyes from a combination of the lack of air and his worry for Magnus’ safely.</p><p>Seeing how upset Alec was and that he wasn’t reaching him Magnus started to worry he would have a full panic attack. Wanting to make this as painless as possible for him, Magnus snapped his fingers and used magic to put Alec under a sleeping sleep. Alec’s body went limp, his eyes shutting and his breathing became even and calm. Magnus easily caught him before he fell to the floor. Using his magic to help him Magnus effortlessly lifted Alec up into his arms, bridal style. He looked down at Alec with a look of great fondness and pain, relieved to see that at least in sleep Alec’s expression had lost that edge of anxiety, fear and pain which seemed to have been a constant since he had broken up with him.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, darling, but it will be easier if you sleep a little. I will take care of you now. Don’t worry any longer. I won’t ever leave you again. I swear!” Magnus mumbled softly and couldn’t help but press a feather light kiss to his forehead, wishing again, for the millionth time, he could do everything over so he had never left him in the first place.</p><p>“I have checked in on Max; he is completely fine as we suspected,” Cat said as she arrived at the door to the room.</p><p>“Good,” Magnus said, still happy she had checked up on it.</p><p>“Everything ok?” Cat asked with a worried frown when she saw the sleeping Alec in Magnus’ arms.</p><p>“Yes, I had to calm him down,” Magnus told her, sharing her worry.</p><p>Magnus fought down his feelings of loss and disappointment. A part of him had envisioned this meeting so differently; he would tell Alec he had slain his metaphoric dragon, Sebastian, and Alec would joyfully run into his arms. Then he would apologize for leaving and Alec would forgive him instantly and they would kiss. Afterwards, he would tell Alec how much he loved him and in return Alec would tell him how much he loved him back. Clearly, he needed to watch fewer Disney movies; the real world was turning out to be painfully much more complicated.</p><p>“That might be for the best,” Cat agreed as she came over to him, looking at Alec.</p><p>“Will you make a portal to my loft? I don’t want to have to explain this to the whole Institute,” Magnus asked, looking at her.</p><p>Cat nodded and created a portal, stepping through first. Magnus held on tight to Alec’s body as he stepped through, determined to save Alec all over again.</p><p>* * ** * ** * *</p><p>Alec slowly awoke, blinking a few times, trying to focus on his surroundings. He was on something soft, covered by a blanket, fully dressed except for his boots. Hadn’t he been about to do something? A wave of fear and panic hit him; what had happened? Had he passed out? Fallen back asleep? Sebastian wanted to train with him this morning he would be late and he knew how Sebastian hated when he was late. Fuck!</p><p>“Hello, darling,” Magnus said warmly, smiling calmly at him as he came towards the bed.</p><p>“Where…where am I?” Alec got out, trying to get his mind to work as he looked around.</p><p>He was in a bedroom, silk sheets, fancy furniture and art objects….he knew this room. He knew the answer before Magnus spoke.</p><p>“My loft. In the guest room,” Magnus told him, having decided on the guest room to not make Alec feel obligated or pressured in any way if he had put him in his own bedroom he had used to share with him.</p><p>“I can’t be here! I have to go,” Alec got out, starting to panic.</p><p>Alec threw the blanket aside and sat up in bed, giving Magnus an anxious look as he rose.</p><p>“Relax,” Magnus calmed him and was about to reach for him but stopped himself before doing so.</p><p>Alec ignored him as he walked into the living room, looking for his boots.</p><p>“Catarina,” Alec greeting as he saw her, surprised to see her here. what was she doing in Magnus’ loft?</p><p>Cat rose form the sofa and moved a bit closer to him, stopping a little away from him.</p><p>“Sebastian is dead,” Cat told him calmly.</p><p>That made Alec stop his frantic search for his boots.</p><p>“What? Dead?!” He asked disbelieving.</p><p>Could that be true? He was torn between being hopeful this nightmare was over and fearful; what would he do now? What about Max? Was everyone safe?</p><p>Cat nodded, watching his reactions carefully as she confirmed, “Yes.”</p><p>If he was dead, then Magnus was safe and so was everyone else. He started to smile at bit. Then he frowned. But Max!</p><p>“No! No,” Alec got out, panicked. Max would die now; what had they done?!</p><p>“Relax, Alec. Breathe,” Magnus said worried, afraid he would have another panic attack.</p><p>“You don’t understand!” Alec protested, looking angrily from Cat to Magnus and back again. “Max…”</p><p>“Cat went to the Institute with me and checked on him. He is fine,” Magnus quickly assured him.</p><p>Alec felt his anger fade and he looked hopeful but confused at them.</p><p>“But…he needs treatments. Regular treatments and Sebastian told me only the one who starts the original spell can do it,” Alec insisted worried.</p><p>Magnus felt his anger rise and fought to stay calm as he shook his head and was to explain that it had all been a trick; that it was nonsense, “No, he….”</p><p>“I checked him. He is cured,” Cat calmed him, giving Magnus an almost invisible shake of her head, feeling it was best to explain how Sebastian had manipulated and used him later, when he was calmer.</p><p>“So... he doesn’t need any more treatments?” Alec asked hopefully, hesitantly.</p><p>“He doesn’t need treatments; no,” Cat confirmed, smiling reassuringly at him.</p><p>Alec breathed a sigh of relief as he got out, “Thank the Angel.”</p><p>Magnus smiled calmingly and reached for his nearest wrist, nodding to the red marks on it.</p><p>“Now, let me heal you,” Magnus said softly, worried.</p><p>Alec felt panic and fear wash over him and he tore his hand away before Magnus could even begin to put any healing magic into him.</p><p>“<strong>No</strong>!” Alec protested sharply, shaking his head for emphasis.</p><p>Alec didn’t see the worried and puzzled looks between Magnus and Cat, getting lost in a memory.</p><p>
  <em>Alec was in his room in the NY Institute, putting away some of his laundry. He fought hard not to think, not to feel these days. The loss of Magnus, the deal for Max…Sebastian… it was best not to think about it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hello, Alec,” Sebastian said quietly, embracing him from behind, startling Alec who barely managed not to drop a sweater.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec had almost forgotten that Sebastian had demanded a key to his room so he could come and go as he pleased. Alec forced himself to stay still and not pull away. He put the sweater on a shelf in his wardrobe and turned around, closing the door to the wardrobe as he did so. He turned around to look at Sebastian, finding it best to be able to see his face to read his reactions there. Sebastian was unpredictable, it left Alec in a constant state of nervousness, and uncertainty, never knowing what might set him off. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian,” Alec acknowledged, fighting down the initial nervousness seeing Sebastian always brought him these days. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A smile would be nice,” Sebastian schooled with a hint of warning, stroking his cheek tenderly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry,” Alec got out, smiling nervously.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled back as he withdrew his hand from his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Much better,” Sebastian complimented.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you,” Alec said automatically, having learned by now that he expected him to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec took a hand through his hair to fight his nervousness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian’s smile faded when he noticed Alec’s wrist and grabbed his hand, pulling it over in front of his face to look at it more thoroughly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What’s this, Alec?” Sebastian asked darkly, looking displeased at him, holding his wrist in a grip so hard Alec flinched slightly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec tensed, fighting himself not to try and pull back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” Alec asked worried, licking his lips anxiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This!” Sebastian exploded, pointing with his other hand to Alec’s healed wrist and the faint traces of an iratze left on the skin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“An… Iratze,” Alec got out, fighting to stop his mind from imagining what Sebastian might do to him for this offence. He had thought it was ok. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Did I tell you that you could do that?” Sebastian asked threatening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec shook his head as he got out, “No but…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But what?” Sebastian demanded when Alec’s voice died away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed and looked down, mumbling quietly, “The….the marks from…they were visible…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The marks. From restrains…from where he had been unable to stop himself from trying to get out of them when Sebastian had made him wear them during sex last night. It was not hard to tell that the marks left behind had been from him fighting against restraints. It was not something he wanted others to see.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smirked darkly as he said, “I know. I like that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec looked surprised at him as he got out, “Ok but the others…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian released his wrist only to take a bruising grip on his chin, lifting Alec’s head and forcing him to look at him. Alec flinched at the pain from the grip and instinctively pulled back a little but something black flickered across Sebastian’s eyes and the grip on his chin was unmoving and his fingers simply dug deeper into his skin, drawing blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then cover them with your sweater; I don’t care for you flaunting yourself around anyway,” Sebastian said in a sinister tone. He paused before he continued, his voice hard and demanding, “You won’t do this again. I will heal what needs healing. You got it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec sank as he got out, thinking he would need to find some sweaters with very long sleeves, “Yes.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian nodded and smiled satisfied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Good,” Sebastian said and released his hold on his chin, making Alec draw a relieved breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Now…I think I will need to reapply these marks since you removed them,” Sebastian said suggestively, nodding towards the bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed and his hands formed fists by his side, knowing what he meant and fought not to shudder at the thought, at the memory, feeling fear rush through him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian, please, I…” Alec said softly, stammering, looking down before forcing himself to look at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What? You don’t want me?” Sebastian interrupted, a clear warning in the words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec paled, seeing the warning signs. He quickly shook his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. Yes. It’s just….”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What it is?” Sebastian interrupted impatiently. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec hesitated, blushing further as he looked down and stammered, “I…I’m still sore. Could we….” He raised his head to look at Sebastian, giving a smile he hoped was sexy but was more nervous as he got out, “Can I do something for you instead?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian shook his head in annoyance as he said sharply, “Alec! Stop whining. You know I hate when you do that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec’s heart sank in defeat and beginning terror but he forced himself to nod, thinking of Max, thinking of Magnus. Thinking of them safe and sound gave him the strength to say, “Yes.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian gave him a soft smile and stroked his cheek, inhoring how Alec had to fight an initial flinch at the sudden touch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go get on the bed,” Sebastian demanded, his voice soft. Alec’s face fell, making Sebastian add, “Don’t give me that look.” He paused before he said in a warm and seductive voice, “I will make sure you like it. Don’t I always make you come?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec blushed and looked away, hating he was right, hating it was true. It confused everything because didn’t that mean he wanted it? That he liked it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Y…Yes.” Alec got out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled in victory as he removed his hand from his cheek and nodded towards Alec’s bed, already about to remove his belt from his pants as he demanded, “Go on then.”</em>
</p><p>Magnus’ voice brought Alec’s out of his memory.</p><p>“Ok, darling. No healing magic,” Magnus agreed with a worried look. “Your steele then? I brought it with me from Seb…the room,” Magnus added, cutting off the name of Alec’s tormenter, unsure how Alec would feel hearing his name. He snapped his fingers and Alec’s steele appeared in Magnus’ hand and he waved in suggestively at Alec.</p><p>Alec paled and almost physically recoiled from the tool.</p><p>“No!” Alec said strongly. Seeing the puzzled look on Magnus’ and Cat’s faces he took a deep breath and gave a small smile as he added, “No, it’s fine. Thank you.”</p><p>“OK,” Magnus conceded, afraid to push. “Please take it though, just in case.”</p><p>Alec took the tool, finding his hands were shaking as he did so. He suddenly felt very tired and drained, the adrenaline from earlier, from his fear about Sebastian, gone now, leaving him confused and…numb. Mostly just numb.</p><p>“You can stay here as long as you wish. No strings attached,” Magnus reassured him when he noticed Alec’s lost look.</p><p>“Magnus and I would be happy if you would stay here, just for a few days,” Cat added in a calm but warm tone. Having dealt with victims before she recognized the lost look in Alec’s face and knew that decisions could be difficult at the moment. She therefore wanted to help make this decision easy for him by making it clear he just had to do what they suggested.</p><p>Alec didn’t know how he felt about that. He missed Magnus in his life more than he had ever missed anything or anyone. However, things were so confusing right now. He wasn’t the person Magnus had broken up with, it was painful just looking at Magnus and knowing he had lost him. If Magnus knew what had happened he wouldn't want him here, surely, and….Alec looked from Magnus to Cat and saw only concern and calm there which helped break through the confused haze in his brain. He guessed he could stay here for a few days; he was too tired to come up with another suggestion at the moment anyway.</p><p>“Ok,” Alec agreed but then added, “For a few days.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Magnus said heartfelt.</p><p>Alec looked away, finding Magnus’ gratitude difficult to deal with. If Magnus knew what he had done, what he had let Sebastian do to him he would not look at him like this.</p><p>“I should be at work,” Alec got out, feeling tired just thinking it.</p><p>“I spoke with Isabelle earlier today and you are on sick leave the next few days,” Magnus assumed him.</p><p>“Does….does everyone know? I mean….what….” Alec started to say, fear and panic clear in his voice, not wanting anyone to know what had happened.</p><p>“No, no. Isabelle has said you have an infection that will take a few days to heal,” Magnus quickly assured him and Alec drew a relieved breath.</p><p>“Good,” Alec got out, feeling embarrassed about his panic earlier.</p><p>Seeing the worry and sympathy on Magnus’ and Cat’s faces were too much for him to deal with right now; his whole body felt heavy and he just wanted to crawl back into bed and forget the world. He walked back to the guestroom and Magnus walked after him with a worried expression, hovering in his eagerness to do something, anything, to ease Alec’s pain.</p><p>Alec turned around and looked anguished at Magnus, unable to deal with this, with everything right now. Just seeing Magnus was hard, reminding him of what they had had; what he had lost.</p><p>“Can I….can I be alone for a bit, please?” Alec asked softly, his voice pleading, looking down as he spoke.</p><p>Magnus looked concerned at him but nodded.</p><p>“Of course, darling,” Magnus quickly assured him, stopping his walk towards Alec.</p><p>”Thanks,” Alec got out, feeling emotional and confused at hearing Magnus use that nickname with him again.</p><p>“We will be just outside if you need anything,” Magnus told him.</p><p>Alec gave a small smile before he all but fled to the guest room, closing the door after himself.</p><p>Magnus looked anxiously after him before he turned back to face Cat who had returned to the sofa, conjuring a whiskey that he took a sip off. He sat down on the sofa next to her.</p><p>“It’s not so bad. Even with Mundane healing the rest of his bruises should heal soon,” Magnus said to Cat, although he said it out loud more for his own benefit than hers.</p><p>Cat nodded, having seen as soon as she had seen him that most of the physical injuries from what they had witnessed Alec had endured last night had been healed.</p><p>“It’s his state of mind that worries me,” Cat admitted with a frown as she conjured a beer and took a sip.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Magnus asked.</p><p>“He has suffered sustained abuse. We will have to keep a close eye on him,” Cat explained.</p><p>“Of course. That’s why he’s here,” Magnus agreed.</p><p>“No, what I mean is…” Cat paused, unsure how to say it delicately so she decided to just come out and say it, “Has he shown suicidal tendencies before?”</p><p>Magnus paled at the words, at the idea of losing Alec and then losing him to the pain of his own mind. He had been there; he understood how pain in your heart and soul could lead you out on that ledge.</p><p>“What? No,” Magnus denied, recoiling at the idea. Then he remembered Max’s rune party…Alec jumping to his death; he was only alive now because Magnus had managed to catch him as he jumped. He had been so close to losing him then. Sure, he had been under a spell but that pain inside Alec had come from himself.</p><p>“Wait…yes, actually,” Magnus admitted, worried and scared at realizing it.</p><p>“Low self-esteem issues? Does he have a tendency to blame himself for things, even those out of his control?” Cat went on.</p><p>Magnus nodded grimly, “Yes.”</p><p>Cat gave him a serious look as she said, “We should watch for signs of depression.”</p><p>“I will take care of him,” Magnus swore, fighting his desire to go check on Alec right now.</p><p>Cat nodded and put a comforting hand on his thigh.</p><p>“Magnus, this will take time,” she warned. “This is not something you fix with a kiss and some magic.”</p><p>“I know that,” Magnus assured her with a hint of insult even though he had to admit he had wanted to do just that.</p><p>“We can’t send him to a Mundane psychologist,” Cat said thoughtfully. She snapped her fingers and several books appeared on the table in front of them. “So….There.”</p><p>“Books?” Magnus questioned, picking one up with the hand he wasn’t holding his drink with. The title read <em>Understanding spousal abuse – and how to survive it</em>.</p><p>Cat nodded as she picked one of the books up, putting her beer on the table.</p><p>“Books on abuse, healing, trauma. Dig in,” she said, waving towards the book pile.</p><p>Magnus gave her a grateful smile.</p><p>“Thanks for helping me,” Magnus said heartfelt. He nodded towards the guestroom were Alec was as he added, “For helping him.”</p><p>Cat smiled warmly as she said, “You’re my friend; I love you.” She paused as she admitted, “And Alec…he has grown on me.”</p><p>Magnus nodded and gave her a fond look as he agreed, “He has that effect on people.”</p><p>* * ** * ** * *</p><p>It had been five days now. Magnus had had contact with Izzy and Jace and they had been covering for Alec at the Institute, only sending him paperwork and other material so he could still do something normal. Alec had barely left the guestroom and had refused to see anyone, even Izzy and Jace. Magnus had conjured up clothes for him as well as toiletries in the connecting bathroom for him as well. He had put up magical alerts to monitor Alec’s vitals but so far he just seemed…numb. Almost on autopilot. He only left the guestroom to get something from the kitchen and would ask to eat his meals alone too. Magnus had complied because he just wanted him to be happy.</p><p>Magnus had explained how Sebastian had been Jonathan in disguise, hoping it would make Alec feel better about the situation, knowing the man had had demonic powers to a level that rivalled Magnus’ own due to him having the blood of Lilith in his veins. However, knowing this just seemed to make Alec feel even worse, angry with himself for not having noticed, not having said anything all these months. Magnus reminding him that no one had noticed anything hadn’t really helped much.</p><p>Magnus had been supportive and kind towards Alec but had not admitted he wanted him back even though he still very much did. He had talked with Cat about it and agreed with her that Alec needed to feel better first before he should raise such issues.</p><p>It was around 11 in the morning and Magnus and Cat were sitting on the sofa, trying to talk about other things than Alec for once. Cat had been a great help to Magnus and she had come by every day but had to go back home to Madzie. They had talked about bringing Madzie over but was unsure if it was a good idea yet with Alec. So far, they had made it work with Cat coming a few hours every day.</p><p>Cat and Magnus stopped talking when the door to the guest bedroom opened and Alec went out, avoiding looking at them, his head down, looking like he wanted to disappear and be invisible.</p><p>“Alexander, are you ok?” Magnus asked warmly with a hint of concern, rising as he entered.</p><p>Alec nodded and looked at him, biting his lower lip nervously.</p><p>“I was just…coffee,” Alec got out, gesturing to the coffee maker in the kitchen.</p><p>”Yes, of course! Let me help you,” Magnus offered, mainly because he just wanted to do something for Alec, even something as small and silly as this.</p><p>Magnus went to the coffee maker, reaching it at the same time as Alec did.</p><p>Magnus accidently brushed against Alec, making him flinch at the sudden and unexpected touch but he quickly recovered, trying to hide the reaction. However, Magnus had noticed and frowned in concern but forced himself not to mention it. He had read in the books it was vital he didn’t force Alec to relieve painful memories before he was ready and the books had also said it was important that it wasn’t all about his trauma; that they could do normal things too. Therefore, he did his best to follow the advice and guidelines he had read.</p><p>“Do you want something else to eat?” Magnus asked as he had poured Alec a cup of coffee and handed it to him, referring to the croissant he had conjured him for breakfast.</p><p>Alec shook his head as he said, “No, I’m fine.”</p><p>Alec started to walk back to the guestroom when Cat’s voice reached him.</p><p>“Do you want to come sit here with us, Alec?” Cat asked, gesturing to the sofa where she was sitting and which Magnus had just left.</p><p>Alec gave her a small smile, which didn’t reach his eyes as he said, “I’m….a bit tired.”</p><p>Magnus walked over to where Alec was standing and smiling reassuringly at him as he quickly agreed, just wanting Alec to feel better, “Ok, darling.”</p><p>Alec gave him a grateful smile as he assured him, “I….I just need time.”</p><p>Magnus nodded in agreement as he said, “Of course, darling. Anything you need.”</p><p>Alec smiled and this time it did reach his eyes as he said, “Thank you.”</p><p>Magnus smiled hopefully as he watched Alec walk back to the guest bedroom and close the door. He was still smiling as he sat back down on the sofa next to Cat.</p><p>“He seems better,” Magnus said optimistically.</p><p>Cat frowned and shook her head as she said, “He’s not better, Magnus.” She waved towards the guest bedroom as she reminded him, “He has barely left the room in five days. He’s depressed.”</p><p>Magnus hesitated, wanting to support Alec and his wishes so he repeated what Alec had told him, “He just needs time.”</p><p>“No. He needs a push,” Cat said with certainty.</p><p>”What do you mean?” Magnus asked puzzled, concern clear on his face.</p><p>”He is in that room all day with his own thoughts. It’s not good for him,” Cat insisted.</p><p>Magnus was thoughtful for a moment, seeing her point.</p><p>“What do you suggest?” Magnus asked.</p><p>“Well, according to the books we have looked at,” Cat began, waving a hand at the books stacked on the table in front of them before she went on, “He needs to accept he was abused.”</p><p>“He’s a Shadowhunter. They don’t do that,” Magnus admitted regretfully.</p><p>Cat was silent for a few moments, knowing he was right.</p><p>“So…we bring in Shadowhunters who are a bit more progressive to talk to him?” Cat suggested.</p><p>Magnus thought about it, liking the idea.</p><p>“Maybe his sister and parabatai?” Magnus proposed.</p><p>“Yes,” Cat said slowly, nodding in agreement. “How much do they know?”</p><p>“I called Isabelle right after we got rid of Sebastian. She told Jace. They have both been texting me non stop asking to see him,” Magnus told her.</p><p>“Have them come over in an hour then,” Cat suggested.</p><p>“OK,” Magnus agreed and pulled out his mobile phone to text them, certain that they would drop whatever else they might have been doing to come see Alec.</p><p>Meanwhile Alec had seated himself by the desk in his room. He had his coffee and field reports to go through. He could do this. He picked up a pencil and opened the first report, trying to focus on it. The more he tried to force himself to focus and read, to forget everything – forget Sebastian, forget about Magnus…forget his feelings. The more his mind was spinning and his doubts were ever present. Since his deal with Sebastian he had started to control him more and more until Alec had been unable to do anything without Sebastian approving it.</p><p>Alec logically knew Sebastian was dead but he still struggled doing anything without his say so; his fear of doing something wrong so ingrained in him by now. He tried to tell himself he could do this – he was strong, he was good enough – but Sebastian had little by little been chipping away at the confidence Magnus’ love had given him, revealing all his self-doubt and insecurities. Magnus leaving him had left the door wide open and he was now at a place where he doubted almost everything – doubted whether he could do even the most basic and simple tasks alone.</p><p>The more Alec struggled with himself, trying to tell himself Sebastian was gone the more memories kept resurfacing until a memory told hold of him.</p><p>
  <em>They were in Sebastian’s bedroom; where he wanted them to stay. They had only just yesterday returned from Idris, Valentine defeated. It was a victory. Yet Alec had felt Sebastian had been upset since they had portaled there together; one of Magnus’ Warlock friends making a portal for them. His nervousness and worry had been growing steadily since the adrenaline of the battle had worn off even though he told himself to relax. Sebastian had saved Jace’s life by killing Valentine. He owed him. He should be grateful to him like everyone else was for having killed one of their greatest enemies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Things had exploded out of nowhere when they had been about to go to sleep. One moment Alec had been explaining about the day’s patrols and the next he was up against the nearest wall in their room, Sebastian’s hand around his throat, and Alec’s hands around Sebastian’s wrist that held him in a bruising grip. There was something about Sebastian; he seemed unnaturally strong even though Sebastian would keep telling him it was just because he was weak for a Shadowhunter. Hearing this again and again had made Alec start to believe it was true because what other explanation could there be? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Did you ask that Warlock for help?” Sebastian asked him darkly, squeezing so tightly around Alec’s throat he fought to breathe, fighting to keep tears out of his eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Warlock?” Alec got out, pushing at Sebastian’s wrist but he wasn’t budging.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know who I mean,” Sebastian warned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec sank; of course he knew whom he meant. Magnus. He should never had sought his help but he had been desperate, afraid Jace could be injured. And now Magnus could be in danger. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Y...yes but he said no. It wasn’t anything else. I swear,” Alec insisted, angry with himself for the fear in his voice; Shadowhunters showed no fear but then as Sebastian regularly reminded him he wasn’t much of a Shadowhunter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian’s eyes narrowed dangerously and his free hand made contact with his cheek, sending Alec’s head flying to the side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shut up!” Sebastian demanded. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec winced at the pain of the hit, turning his head back to look at him, fighting down his fear, trying to talk him down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian…” Alec began, fighting to speak against the grip around his throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You must not care much for his well-being,” Sebastian interrupted sharply. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec paled, afraid for Magnus, angry with himself for even seeking him out even under such dire circumstances.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We needed a portal into Alicante. To go after Jace,” Alec got out, his voice weak from Sebastian’s strong grip on his throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He still didn’t help you. Did you wonder why?” Sebastian asked darkly, relaxing his grip on his throat a bit, making Alec gasp for air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec hesitated, blushing with embarrassment as he started to answer, knowing not answering would just escalate things, “He…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Say it!” Sebastian demanded angrily when Alec’s voice died out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec squeezed his eyes shut against the pain in his heart as he got out. “He doesn’t care for me.” He paused before he added more strongly in a voice filled with aguish, “There, I said it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled wickedly as he released his throat, instead putting one hand on the wall next to Alec’s face, pressing his body close to him, keeping him trapped.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”He doesn’t care for you. But I do,” Sebastian told him, his voice warm as he stroked his cheek tenderly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec shuddered under the touch but forced himself to stand still, his heart breaking at his words, knowing they were true.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes,” Alec got out, sadly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian took a firm grip on his chin and forced his head up to look at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Say it, Alec,” Sebastian demanded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You care for me,” Alec repeated, telling himself it was true. He had to, right? He had saved Jace, saved Max…he was here when Magnus had left. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe I should teach you that,” Sebastian leered, smiling suggestively at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec knew he meant sex and just wasn’t in the mood, his heart aching from thinking of Magnus. He just wanted to go to sleep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sebastian, don’t,” Alec said, the words soft but firm as he pulled away from his grip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian was so taken back by his refusal for a moment he didn’t react. Alec used his distraction to push past him and move away from the wall, walking towards the bathroom, thinking he could get some peace there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alec, stop,” Sebastian demanded, taking a firm grip on his nearest forearm, forcing him to stop and turn around to face him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t, okay? I’m not…” Alec started to say, pulling out of his grip as he started to walk away again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t you dare walk away from me!” Sebastian thundered, his anger making his demonic side flare and his eyes turned black. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian pulled sharply at Alec’s nearest waist and with minimum effect pushed him towards the bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are you?! No!” Alec protested, fighting his grip but finding it impossible to break free.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shut up!” Sebastian demanded as he threw him onto the bed as easily as if he was a small child.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec scrambled to turn around, fighting down his fear as Sebastian crawled into the bed, his movements predatory and his eyes angry and….black? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your….your eyes!” Alec got out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that?” Sebastian demanded darkly as he quickly had pinned Alec to the bed, his wrists above his head, forcing Alec to separate his legs so he could lie between them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec fought against the hand holding his wrists but without activating his runes it had no effort what so ever. He stared up into Sebastian’s furious expression, his eyes still…black?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They are black…they were…” Alec got out in shock and fear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are they?” Sebastian demanded, using his free hand to take Alec’s chin in a bruising grip that had Alec wince against the pain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I…black?” Alec got out, his voice uncertain. They were black…right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian snorted in disbelief as he said, “Like a demon? Really? How likely does that sound, Alec?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The fear and the weight on his body made him feel lightheaded. He was suddenly in doubt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I…not likely?” Alec said in a small voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So what are my eyes?” Sebastian demanded to know, his voice like a whiplash, his grip on his chin so hard and painful his nails were drawing blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec couldn’t keep a pained moan from escaping his lips. He was looking up into Sebastian’s black demonic eyes and wanted to say black but he said, “Blue.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian smiled dangerously and released his grip on his chin a little as he praised, “Very good.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alec’s mind returned from the memory and thinking about it now, he was left to wonder… had Sebastian’s eyes ever been black?</p><p>* * ** * ** * *</p><p>Alec hadn’t managed to look through even one report, his thoughts unfocused, his emotions in turmoil. There was a knock on the door.</p><p>“Yes?” Alec got out, cautiously.</p><p>Magnus opened the door and smiled reassuringly at him as he asked, “Alexander, will you come out, please?”</p><p>Alec hesitated, still feeling a sense of loss and pain, conditioned fear and confusion at seeing Magnus.</p><p>“I am a bit tired,” Alec said and it wasn’t a complete lie; he felt tired all the time. He was looking away when he replied so Magnus couldn’t see the half-truth in his eyes.</p><p>“Please, darling?” Magnus insisted.</p><p>Alec sighed, seeing he wasn’t getting out of this one. He rose and walked to the door, Magnus walking out into the living room.</p><p>“Ok, what is it that….” Alec said as he walked into the living room after him but then stopped when he saw Jace and Izzy standing in the living room, smiling warmly at him, doing a poor job at hiding the worry he could read clear as day in their expressions. “Oh.”</p><p>Unable to control herself Izzy all but ran to him and gave him a big hug, holding him tight as she got out in a heartfelt tone, “Alec!”</p><p>Alec held her close, feeling comforted by her nearness even though he had refused to see her up until now.</p><p>“Izzy,” Alec said with a smile as they finally separated.</p><p>“Hi Alec,” Jace greeted him, smiling warmly as he reached him.</p><p>“Jace,” Alec acknowledged and before he knew what was happening Jace had given him a bone-crushing hug, shorter than Izzy’s hug but it felt more raw and desperate.</p><p>“Cat and I will just go to my office so you can have the room,” Magnus said when Jace drew back from Alec.</p><p>The three Shadowhunters barely acknowledged them but no one spoke until the two Warlocks had left the room, closing the office door behind them.</p><p>Alec nodded towards the nearby sofa and sat down, Jace sitting down next to him on one side and Izzy sat on his other side.</p><p>“Alec, I am so sorry,” Izzy said sorrowfully, being the first to speak.</p><p>“Why are you sorry?” Alec asked puzzled.</p><p>“I knew there was something wrong with Sebastian and I didn’t interfere,” Izzy admitted, self- depreciation clear in her voice.</p><p>“I shouldn’t need my baby sister protecting me,” Alec protested, blushing a little in shame at the idea. He was the older brother; he protected them.</p><p>“Alec, we all need Izzy protecting us,” Jace reminded him, trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>Alec turned to face Jace, his cheeks flaming hot as he wondered how much Jace knew. He had to think him a fool; so weak! He had let this happen to him. He hadn’t done anything.</p><p>“Jace, I…” Alec began softly, embarrassed.</p><p>“Alec….I am <strong>so</strong> sorry,” Jace interrupted him, his voice anguished. ”I believed him, I believed you…I should have trusted my gut.”</p><p>Alec shook his head, confused by his words, “No, it’s ok.”</p><p>“It wasn’t,” Jace insisted, shaking his head, his face showing his sadness and regret. “I am your parabatai and your brother. I felt you. I knew you weren’t injured that much in training or on patrols but…I just didn’t want to think of any other explanation, the implications of it too painful.”</p><p>“I am sorry I hurt you,” Alec admitted softly, regretfully.</p><p>“Alec, you have nothing to say sorry for,” Jace insisted strongly. He paused before he admitted regretfully, sadly, “I am sorry I was such a coward. My fear of you suffered was so strong I refused to admit that you so clearly were. I chose to believe you were happy because I wanted you to be.”</p><p>Alec blushed and looked away, unable to meet his gaze as he admitted softly, shamefully, “I…I was weak.”</p><p>“No, Alec!” Jace protested, shaking his head to emphasize his point. “He was Jonathan in disguise, the son of the Queen of all the Hell dimensions! No one would have been able to fight him and win,” Jace assured him.</p><p>Alec looked at him with the same awe and admiration he always had as he insisted, “You could. You have pure Angel blood.”</p><p>”Even if I could then it’s not a fair comparison. No Shadowhunter could then if you want to put it like that,” Jace amended his statement but his conviction was clear.</p><p>Jace’s words warmed him but Alec still felt embarrassed and just…wrong.</p><p>“I still feel weak,” Alec mumbled.</p><p>“You are <strong>not</strong> weak,” Jace insisted sharply. “You were abused.”</p><p>Alec blushed in shame at that word, ’abuse’.</p><p>“That’s…weak,” Alec got out, looking down.</p><p>Jace shook his head and put a comforting hand on Alec’s thigh but removed it at once when the sudden movement had Alec jerk involuntarily.</p><p>“No, it’s not. Sebastian was weak for what he did. You…you are strong,” Jace insisted.</p><p>“We are here for you,” Izzy told him in a strong and sure voice.</p><p>Alec smiled at hearing that but then still persisted, “Don’t you think I’m…”</p><p>“Alec, I think you are perfect,” Jace interrupted him, his voice filled with warmth and affection.</p><p>“You do?” Alec asked surprised.</p><p>“I know you have always looked up to me. I don’t see why. You are the one to be admired,” Jace told him frankly.</p><p>Alec blushed at that and looked away for a moment before he looked at Jace again.</p><p>“Jace, seriously,” Alec protested.</p><p>Jace nodded as he said, “Yes, seriously. You are selfless and amazing in every way. You are my parabatai and brother and I am blessed to call you both.”</p><p>Alec just looked at him open-mouthed, feeling overwhelmed and amazed at hearing him say that.</p><p>“Wow, Jace…I…” Alec got out, speechless.</p><p>Jace simply smiled as he said seriously, “I love you, Alec. I admire you. You can do this!”</p><p>Alec blushed at the words, feeling warmed and comforted by hearing that.</p><p>“Thank you, Jace. I love you too,” Alec said heartfelt.</p><p>Izzy poked his leg, making him turn to face her.</p><p>“I love you too, Alec, and I believe in you. Always. You can do this. We have got your back,” Izzy told him seriously.</p><p>Alec smiled as Izzy hugged him again.</p><p>“Thank you, Izzy. I love you,” Alec said against her ear, happy the hug was hiding the tears in his eyes.</p><p>Izzy and Alec had just separated, both hastily wiping away tears, when Magnus and Cat returned from the office.</p><p>“So….do you guys want to stay for lunch?” Magnus asked, smiling contently when he saw the three Shadowhunters on the sofa and noticing how much better Alec looked now, as if a huge burden had been lifted from his soul.</p><p>“That would be great. Alec?” Jace said, looking at Alec to be sure he would be ok with it.</p><p>Alec thought about it and found he actually wanted company now.</p><p>“That…yes,” Alec agreed, smiling, nodding. He paused as he said hesitantly, not wanting the whole meal to revolve around Sebastian. Or Jonathan. He had still not learned to call him Jonathan in his mind, “But maybe we can…”</p><p>“I could tell you gossip from the Institute! Turns out that Lorenzo Rey, whom was first announced as the next High Warlock didn’t take the position and….” Izzy started to explain in an excited voice, knowing precisely what her brother meant and making it easy for him.</p><p>Alec looked to Magnus at hearing this and smiled as he rose, walking over to Magnus.</p><p>“You got to keep the position?” He asked and Magnus nodded. Alec smiled as he said heartfelt, “I am glad. Congratulations.”</p><p>Magnus smiled widely and would have touched him but avoided it at the last minute, afraid to scare him. Alec noticed and shyly reached out and squeezed Magnus’ nearest arm briefly, making Magnus give him a surprised but warm smile that could have lit up the whole room.</p><p>“Thanks, Alexander,” Magnus said warmly, not going into the details of how a small reminder to Lorenzo of who his father was had convinced the other Warlock it was in his own best interest to back off.</p><p>With Alec back and needing his help Magnus had gotten the strength he needed to fight for his position; helped along by Asmodeus reminding him that for him to be respected as King of the Hell dimensions his son on Earth had to remain powerful; it was a part of the deal for Jonathan.</p><p>“Anyway, he seemed to have a sudden change of heart and when he came to the Institute to help with a case he met Andrew and they are going on a date!” Izzy related her news, walking over to where Alec and Magnus were standing.</p><p>“Andrew? Dating a Warlock?” Alec asked, trying to picture it, allowing Izzy’s small talk to distract him from the ordeal with Jonathan.</p><p>“Apparently,” Jace supplied as they all walked to the dining table.</p><p>With a snap of his fingers, Magnus had the whole table set up with amazing food and several alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.</p><p>Alec thought about Andrew and dating a Warlock…which made him think of Magnus and how much he had loved being with him.</p><p>“Oh. How…nice,” Alec got out, again overcome by loss at thinking of Magnus, fighting to control his feelings.</p><p>Seeing Alec was now suddenly looking sad Magnus decided to change the topic.</p><p>“Anyway, I was thinking I could tell you guys a rather amusing tale from when Cat and I were in Paris during the 1920s,” Magnus suggested, winking suggestively as he sat down by the table he had just prepared, making everyone else do likewise.</p><p>Magnus felt a stab of sorrow when Alec seated himself with Jace and Izzy on each side but a shared look with Cat made him remembered the books they had read; Alec needed time. He was immortal; he could give him time.</p><p>“Don’t you dare!” Cat teased.</p><p>“No, please do,” Izzy went along with the attempt at lightening the mood.</p><p>Jace leaned close to Alec and whispered in his ear in a concerned voice, “Will you be alright, parabatai?”</p><p>Alec thought about it for a moment and looked over at Magnus, Cat and Izzy exchanging funny stories and banter.</p><p>Alec nodded as he replied truthfully, feeling hopeful for the first time since Magnus had broken up with him all those months ago.</p><p>”Yes. I think I might. Eventually,” Alec said to Jace with a reassuring smile.</p><p>Jace smiled back as he agreed, “Eventually is good, Alec. Very good.”</p><p>Alec nodded, looking longingly at Magnus as he repeated, “Eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The end of part 3</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback and kudos would mean the world to me and motivate me to keep writing.<br/>So in other words; if you were entertained but are a bit shy then still toss a coin to your author and by coin I mean kudos! ;) [Yes, that is a reference to The Witcher....I couldn't help myself]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Healing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec and Magnus finally talk about the abuse Alec has suffered and what he needs to be able to move on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>brightasstars likes people overcoming their issues and growing stronger so here's a more realistic take on the healing process.<br/>Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.<br/>Chapter warnings: Referenced self-harm (overtraining like in season 1 and cutting), talk of past abuse, including rape (nothing is detailed though). Talk about healing and growing and changing. Hints at PTSD issues.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
<a id="_Toc36487129" name="_Toc36487129"></a>Chapter 4: Healing</h1><p>Three months had passed since Jace and Izzy had first come by. Alec was back at work and sometimes he could pretend things were normal; that <em>he</em> was normal. He had more and more good days; days where he almost didn’t think about Sebastian. He still had a hard time thinking of him as Jonathan as he had looked like Sebastian and called himself that while Alec had been with him.</p><p>He still had nightmares almost every night and had trouble sleeping. Magnus had given him a potion that helped but Alec knew that he eventually had to learn be able to sleep without it. Cat still came by almost every day. Sometimes it was nice, she would bring Madzie, and it was almost normal. Just talking and hanging out. Daily she and Magnus would ask about him; how he was doing and how he was feeling.</p><p>He couldn’t get himself to explain to them in detail what had happened. He was still too embarrassed and confused about it all. However, Magnus and Cat had suggested he speak about it anonymously to Mundane help groups, leaving out the Shadow World elements of course. Alec had been skeptical but when Cat had told him it could be done virtually, over a computer, without him having to meet or see anyone, he had tried it.</p><p>Alec hadn’t thought he would get anything out of talking with people about how he felt and what had happened but without anyone being able to see him, with no one knowing him, it was easier somehow. Cat and Magnus had helped suggest some online groups with Mundane men who had been in abusive relationships and Alec had joined a few of those. He had still been skeptical and had had a hard time accepting he had been ‘abused’. Shadowhunters didn’t get abused. Men didn’t get abused. Right?</p><p>He hadn’t thought he would feel so much better listening to others’ stories and what they had suffered nor that he would feel so much better, almost empowered, by simply being able to offer words of support and understanding to the others. He hadn’t thought it would be such a relief to tell these nameless and faceless strangers about what he had endured nor had he imagined how easy it often was. Many times one of the others would talk and all he had to do was say ‘that happened to me too’ and they could all talk about it collectively.</p><p>For years, Alec had coped with the pain and hurt he would feel inside by hurting himself. Mostly by overtraining and not healing the injuries. It was an acceptable way to hurt himself. He was a warrior and those injuries were acceptable for a warrior. However, after what he had endured, he had started to hurt himself in another way too; fine and small cuts with a razor blade on the inside of his wrists. It had started a few days after Jace and Izzy had come by. He had just showered and had suddenly flashbacked to the marks Sebastian would often leave on his wrists from holding him down or restraining him. He had wanted other marks there, his own marks, a way to remove the pain, the shame and the humiliation he felt as he looked at his wrists and imagined he could still see those marks from Sebastian.</p><p>He had not expected anyone to understand. He had been ashamed about having cut himself afterwards. However, he should have known Magnus would notice the small cuts on the inside of his wrists despite him wearing shirts that had so long sleeves they went to his thumbs. Magnus had been ever attentive and observant. Alec had feared he would be upset or misunderstand the cuts, maybe thinking he had tried to kill himself, which was as far from the truth as could be. The cuts had helped him feel better, helped him endure, helped him survive those memories of what Sebastian had done to him in bed and made him do in return.</p><p>To Alec’s surprise and relief then Magnus <strong>had</strong> understood; he had not been angry or upset. He had not even been that surprised; likely because he had seen him train too much and not heal the injuries one of the first times they had ever met. Instead, Magnus had been sympathetic and calming. All he had asked was that Alec would talk to him about it, be honest about it and come to him so he could help him. Magnus had not made him feel ashamed or wrong and that alone had helped Alec feel he needed to cut less than he otherwise would have. He still overtrained at times and he still cut when the memories became too painful much to bear but over time it was less and less. Magnus never pushed him to explain his feelings or justify his reactions. He was just there; never judging, never evaluating him. Just there. Alec was unsure if Magnus understood just how much that meant to him. He had been used to being evaluated and judged all his life with the scales somehow always coming up wanting. With Magnus, he had finally felt good enough….up till the day he had left him.</p><p>He would still at times flinch at loud noises and he avoided being alone in a room with men he didn’t know. However, this was only a risk at the Institute and Jace and Izzy were now guarding him like a hawk. Maybe three times had it almost happened that he had been alone with someone; one time was when he had been by a monitor and someone had come over. Izzy had quickly chased him away again when she had noticed how Alec had tensed. The second time Alec had been training and someone had been about to come over and stand just that bit too close to him for Alec’s comfort. He had ignored it but a firm look from Jace and they had taken off. The last time he had been in his office and someone had come in. These days when he was in his office Jace would always be with him but he had had to go out for a second and the man had entered unannounced. Alec had told himself he was alright; he could do it. However, he had felt his breath quicken and his hands go clammy as he started to panic. Jace had felt his panic through their bond and had rushed back. He had chased the poor confused guy out with clear orders that no one entered Alec’s office without booking a time first; perks of the military system in Idris meant no one really questioned this.</p><p>As he was slowly starting to feel better Alec was also starting to realize two important things; he was relying on Magnus for almost everything. From where he lived to Magnus conjuring food for them to just him sitting with him and watching a movie if Alec was too scared to try and sleep. Secondly; Magnus and Cat almost knew more about his traumas and issues than he did. Talking about it seemed to fill like 80% of their conversations. As he was starting to get better, he wanted a relationship with Magnus separate from his issues. He needed and wanted to move his issues over to something, someone, else.</p><p>He was grateful Magnus had saved him. He could never repay that. He was grateful he was so understanding. He was grateful for everything. However, he needed to find himself again. He needed to be Alec. Who Alec was now. He had suffered pain and betrayal in his life before but he had never suffered like this before. He needed to find a way to reconcile what had happened to him with who he thought he was, who he wanted to be.</p><p>Alec knew what he needed to do. He had known for some time. It was just that he didn’t want to. He liked living here with Magnus; in this cocoon of care and fluff. However, it wasn’t real. They were not moving forward. He knew Magnus cared for him; he had to in order to do so much for him. To be so attentive to his needs. But he had also dumped him and never looked back. Never once thought of the pain Alec had been in until it had been too late.</p><p>Being around Magnus now was both comforting and painful, caught somewhere between a past love, a past hurt and something else. Something that wanted to grow and build but couldn’t; restricted by the routines they had fallen into.</p><p>Knowing he couldn’t delay any longer Alec went to the living room that evening, finding Magnus sitting and reading a book on the sofa. He looked up as soon as he saw him enter and put the book down, smiling warmly and waved him over.</p><p>“You look thoughtful, Alexander,” Magnus commented as he took a sip of his cocktail.</p><p>Alec smiled at that; Magnus. Ever attentive, ever observant. He sat next to him on the sofa and looked intensely at him, finding it hard to begin, to say what he needed to say. Magnus snapped his fingers and there was a glass of red wine on the table next to Alec. Thinking it would help him find courage he took a few large sips before putting the glass back on the table and looking at Magnus again. The Warlock was eyeing him curiously with a hint of weariness for his silence.</p><p>Alec took a deep breath as he started to say, “I am very grateful for all your help these last few months.”</p><p>“But?” Magnus asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“No but,” Alec insisted, shaking his head.</p><p>“I hear a but,” Magnus said mildly with a hint of worry.</p><p>Alec paused and bit his lower lip nervously before he forced himself to continue.</p><p>“You and Cat have been very considerate to me. I sometimes get the feeling you know more about my traumas and resulting issues than I do,” Alec said frankly, his tone warm and grateful, trying to make the statement sound light.</p><p>“We are just trying to help,” Magnus assured him.</p><p>Alec nodded and quickly assured him, “I know.”</p><p>“You can just let us know if we have overstepped. That was certainly not our intention,” Magnus told him.</p><p>Alec shook his head.</p><p>“No, no. I know. It’s not that,” Alec insisted. He paused before he added sadly, embarrassed, “It is just that sometimes it feels like it’s all we talk about, all there is between us now are my issues, my problems. As if that is all I am now.”</p><p>“No, of course not,” Magnus insisted strongly, taking one of Alec’s hands in his own and drawing smoothing circles on it.</p><p>Magnus’ fingers tracked one of the small scars on Alec’s wrist, the gesture loving and calming, as if his touch could heal the pain behind the scar.</p><p>Alec smiled softly, feeling reassured by his words and his touch. After a few moments Mganus removed his hands and Alec felt weirdly cold without his touch.</p><p>Alec was silent for a few seconds before he asked quietly, looking down at his hands as he spoke but needing to know, “How much do you really know?”</p><p>“What about?” Magnus asked guarded.</p><p>“You know what about,” Alec told him with a hint of anxiety for his answer clear in his tone.</p><p>“When Cat and I tried to find a way to get rid of Jonathan we saw flashes from your time with him,” Magnus admitted, his voice filled with concern and sympathy.</p><p>“Flashes?” Alec asked confused.</p><p>“Like memories,” Magnus explained.</p><p>Alec paled at the thought. They had seen that? What Sebastian had done to him? What he had let him do? All of it? How could Magnus even look at him? How could he look at Magnus now?</p><p>“You…saw?” Alec stammered as he looked intensely at Magnus, hanging on his every word.</p><p>“Only small flashes. Not all of it,” Magnus quickly calmed him.</p><p>Alec drew a breath of relief at that. He looked grim as he concluded all the same, “But you know.”</p><p>Magnus’ expression was serious and he had a hint of guilt in his eyes as he said, “I know he threatened me and your siblings. I know he abused you.”</p><p>Alec nodded, having guessed as much. He waved towards some of the books on abuse and recovery lying on the edge of the coffee table.</p><p>“Explains the self-help books.”</p><p>“I never tried to hide those,” Magnus reminded him.</p><p>“No. Thanks for that,” Alec said, relieved that they had managed to stay honest with each other about this after all the hiding from each other they had done till now.</p><p>“I also know or at least have some idea of the….sexual aspect,” Magnus admitted after a short pause, giving Alec a worried and sympathetic look.</p><p>Alec briefly closed his eyes in shame as he fought against the memories of pain and humiliation that threatened to surface.</p><p>“He said I liked it,” Alec admitted in a small voice, still having confusing issues on that part, looking down as he spoke, unable to look at Magnus as he said it.</p><p>He had come to see, accept even, that when Sebastian had hurt him physically it was abuse but it was harder for him to say, to feel, to admit, that Sebastian had raped him. He had not always fought him physically; sometimes he had gone along with it as it was easier than dealing with his rage. Sometimes he had gone along with it because Sebastian had said he would hurt someone he cared for if he didn’t.</p><p>“Because you came?” Magnus asked softly.</p><p>Alec sank and blushed in shame, still looking down.</p><p>“You saw?” Alec asked in a defeated and broken voice.</p><p>“No, no,” Magnus quickly assured him and hesitantly put a hand on his nearest arm. When Alec didn’t pull away he stroked him calmingly. “We saw nothing sexual but we saw a memory where he used that argument.”</p><p>Alec drew a relieved breath as he got out, “Yeah.”</p><p>Magnus gave him a firm look as he said strongly, “It’s not true, Alexander. What he did was rape. Even if you came. Even if you didn’t physically fight him every single time. It was still rape.”</p><p>Alec was shocked and relieved that Magnus seemed to know his fears and so firmly brushed them aside without him having to say it aloud. However, he was sure Magnus would feel differently when he confirmed it. That he would resent him. Be disgusted by him. How couldn’t he be when he was disgusted with himself?</p><p>Alec still couldn’t look at Magnus as he admitted in such a low voice that Magnus barely heard, “But what he said was true. I did.”</p><p>“That proves nothing. It is not uncommon,” Magnus assured him, his voice strong, calm and gentle.</p><p>The lack of disgust and resentment in Magnus’ tone gave Alec hope and the courage to finally look up at him again. He was taken back by the warmth in Magnus’ gaze, by the lack of pity or disgust that he had feared to see there. Alec drew a calming breath, feeling like the ground under his feet had finally stopped shaking.</p><p>“I know. I read it in one of the books you gave me,” Alec told him.</p><p>“But you don’t feel it,” Magnus said insightfully.</p><p>Alec shrugged as he admitted, “No, not really.”</p><p>“I am here if you want to talk about it,” Magnus offered, clearly feeling helpless that that was all he could do to help.</p><p>“I don’t,” Alec said frankly, looking intensely at him to see if that would make him change his opinion on him.</p><p>He wasn’t really sure why he did that; it was as if he wanted to test if Magnus would truly stay. Test that he really couldn’t scare him away. He couldn’t understand why Magnus kept staying; kept being so understanding and supportive. A part of him kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. He didn’t feel he deserved for Magnus to keep being so gentle; not after everything that had happened between them and what he had been through.</p><p>“That’s also ok,” Magnus assured him with a fond look. He gave his arm a comforting squeeze before he removed his hand.</p><p>“Why are you doing all of this?” Alec asked him with a hint of confusion, waving his hand around to indicate the loft, everything he had done.</p><p>“Because I care for you,” Magnus insisted in a warm tone.</p><p>“You have said that a lot,” Alec reminded him, having heard him say that several times since Magnus and Cat had gotten rid of Jonathan. Alec closed his eyes briefly in pain as he reminded him, “But you left me.”</p><p>A look of agony and regret crossed Magnus’ face as he nodded grimly and said, “I know. I’m very sorry about that.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Alec asked him with a hint of confusion.</p><p>“It was a mistake,” Magnus insisted in a pained tone filled with regret.</p><p>Alec stared at him with a dumbstruck look on his face.</p><p>“A mistake?! You broke my heart!” Alec said angrily, almost hysterically.</p><p>A mistake?! Magnus was hundreds of years old and had had plenty of relationships. Could it really be true he would have made such a mistake? Would he not have learned to understand his own feelings and needs better than that?</p><p>“I know and you have every reason to be angry with me. I overreacted,” Magnus admitted with a hint of shame.</p><p>“What?!” Alec got out, his voice filled with hurt and anger.</p><p>He overreacted?! Magnus had broken his heart and left him when he had been most vulnerable and hadn’t come back on his own. He had not even started his apology on his own. However, it was all good now because he had saved him from his abuser and he had said sorry. Right?!</p><p>“I could explain, talk about past hurts but none of it excuses my behavior,” Magnus told him with a look of honesty and vulnerability Alec rarely saw on him.</p><p>Alec took a deep and calming breath. He was angry a lot lately; angry with himself, angry with Magnus, angry with the world. He had been told it was a part of the healing process to be angry. He understood this. He was angry with Magnus but he understood what he said. He was immortal but he wasn’t infallible.</p><p>“Ok. You’re sorry,” Alec said slowly, accepting that as fact after a few seconds of reflection. He paused before he added, “So…this is pity?”</p><p>Magnus shook his head, as he insisted, “No. Never that.”</p><p>“Then what? You want forgiveness?” Alec asked.</p><p>Magnus was about to deny it but then paused. After a few seconds, he admitted in a small voice, “I guess I do.”</p><p>“You didn’t need to house me for months to ask for that,” Alec reminded him.</p><p>“I know. It’s not just that,” Magnus admitted.</p><p>“Then what?” Alec insisted, a hint of annoyance and confusion in his voice now.</p><p>“Alexander….” Magnus began and then took a deep breath before he said sincerely, “I still love you.”</p><p>Alec looked at him as if he had just told him he had wings or something.</p><p>“What?!” Alec got out in shock and surprise.</p><p>“I still love you,” Magnus repeated more strongly, his tone warm and earnest.</p><p>Alec felt overwhelmed, unsure what to say or do. He had longed to hear Magnus say that but everything was so complicated right now.</p><p>“I….I can’t deal with this right now,” Alec admitted confused, a hint of pain flashing in his eyes.</p><p>Magnus gave him a reassuring and understanding smile as he said, “I know. It’s ok.”</p><p>Alec took a deep breath, encouraged by Magnus’ supportive comment.</p><p>“I never stopped loving you. You must know that,” Alec admitted frankly, giving Magnus a searching look, referencing the fact that he had done all of this, sacrificed so much, partly for him; to keep him safe.</p><p>Magnus nodded and his expression turned aggrieved as he admitted, “I know. I saw what you suffered to see me safe.”</p><p>Alec hesitated but then he admitted in a small voice, “But I’m not sure…I can’t…right now.”</p><p>“I understand. I can wait,” Magnus assured him with a warm smile.</p><p>Alec felt his mind spinning, caught between hope and confusion.</p><p>“What you did for me by destroying Sebastian….Jonathan…” Alec said slowly. He paused before he added, “I can never repay you for that.”</p><p>Magnus shook his head as he quickly said, “I don’t want you to, darling.”</p><p>Alec looked at him with something between pain and joy whenever he used the nickname.</p><p>Unsure where they stood with each other Magnus quickly added, “I’m sorry. It just slipped out.”</p><p>Alec nodded, unsure if he was happy or sad to hear that but still said, “I know.”</p><p>“What is it, Alexander?” Magnus asked, seeing he was clearly struggling to say something.</p><p>Alec took a deep breath before he told him, “In one of the books I read it said I should take back my own power.”</p><p>“Yes?” Magnus encouraged cautiously, unsure what he meant by that. He had read this too in several of the books and papers he had read on how to best help Alec through this. He also understood it meant different things for different people.</p><p>Alec hesitated before he said in a rush, “I want to move out.”</p><p>Magnus face fell but he forced the sadness away. This wasn’t a fairytale and Alec wasn’t his Sleeping Beauty and he wasn’t his knight in shining armor. But by Lilith how he had wanted it to be a fairytale where everything was fixed with magic, a kiss and saying ‘I love you’.</p><p>“Ok,” Magnus said after a few seconds, recovering from the shock. “Because of what I said? That I love you?”</p><p>Alec shook his head as he assured him, “No, no.”</p><p>Magnus looked relieved as he asked, “Do you want to go back to the institute?”</p><p>“No. My room has too much of…him there,” Alec said with a barely concealed shudder. He paused before he added with both fondness and exasperation, “Jace and Izzy would put me up with them in their rooms but they are….”</p><p>“Killing you with kindness?” Magnus supplied with a knowing look.</p><p>Alec nodded and smiled a little as he agreed, “Yes.”</p><p>He paused before he added in a pained tone, “I can barely breathe without them hovering. When we go on patrol, they keep shielding me. I am starting to be a liability to them on missions though they never say as much. I know they do it because they love me but this is not who I am. I am the big brother; I shield them. They do not shield me. It’s not who I am.”</p><p>Alec paused and ran a frustrated hand through his hair before he added in a low and upset tone of voice, “At least not who I used to be. Who I want to be again.”</p><p>Magnus gave him a searching look filled with compassion and understanding as he asked, “What do you want?”</p><p>Alec gave him a surprised look as he asked, “You…want to help me?”</p><p>Magnus nodded and gave him a tender look as he assured him, “Of course.”</p><p>“Even if it is moving out of here?” Alec asked to clarify that. “I know you would prefer I stay.”</p><p>“Yes, I would prefer you stay,” Magnus admitted frankly. He paused before he said in a strong but loving tone, “But this isn’t about me. If that is what you want, what you need, then I am here for you.”</p><p>Ale smiled warmly, happily, at hearing that, moved by his consideration yet again.</p><p>Alec had thought about this for a while and he knew what he wanted.</p><p>“I would like to live on my own but not at the institute,” Alec told him.</p><p>Magnus nodded, having suspected that might be it. To truly be on his own; to prove to himself he could do it. Well…Magnus would always keep an eye out for him, to make sure he was safe. But other than that….</p><p>“Maia says there’s a room upstairs from of Hunter’s Moon that is available,” Magnus told him after a few moments of reflection.</p><p>Alec smiled, liking that idea, but then his face fell.</p><p>“I have no money,” Alec admitted sheepishly.</p><p>“I have,” Magnus told him with a dismissive hand wave as if money was of no importance because to him it wasn’t. He had more than enough for several lifetimes.</p><p>“I can’t accept that,” Alec protested, taken back by how easily Magnus offered to help him make this happen.</p><p>“Please do,” Magnus insisted. When he saw Alec hesitate, he added, “For me?”</p><p>“I….don’t know,” Alec said, unsure if this would really count as him doing it on his own if he was living off Magnus’ money.</p><p>“Please, Alexander,” Magnus employed him. “I like to know you are in a safe place and Maia and the Wolves will see you are safe there.”</p><p>“Ok, ok,” Alec conceded, seeing the genuine worry and care in Magnus’ eyes.</p><p>“Good,” Magnus said relieved.</p><p>“Thank you,” Alec said heartfelt.</p><p>“Would you mind terribly if I also checked in on you occasionally to make sure you were ok? Put up some wards and such things?” Magnus asked hopefully.</p><p>“I’m not sure…. I mean….I want to take care of myself,” Alec admitted, moved by his care nonetheless.</p><p>“I know you can take care of yourself, Alexander. This would be for me; for my own peace of mind. Not because I doubt your abilities,” Magnus admitted, letting Alec see his desperate desire to ensure his safety after feeling he had failed in doing so earlier.</p><p>“Ok,” Alec agreed, moved by the naked honesty and need in Magnus’ eyes.</p><p>“I am always here for you, Alexander,” Magnus reminded him warmly. He paused as he added in a pained tone filled with hurt and regret, “I am always here <strong>now</strong>. I am sorry I wasn’t there back then. But I swear I will <strong>never</strong> make that mistake again.” Magnus reached over and put his hands over Alec’s nearest hand and gave him an intense and heartfelt look as he said, “I will spend the rest of my life making up for it. If you will let me.”</p><p>Alec gave him a soft smile and briefly put a hand over both of his, squeezing slightly in thanks.</p><p>“Maybe one day,” Alec said honestly in a voice filled with love and pain, hurt and warmth. He paused and took a deep breath as he removed his hand covering his. Magnus drew back, also removing his hands from Alec’s.</p><p>“I need to find myself first. To be me. Before I can give that kind of power to you again,” Alec told him softly, a hint of fear of rejection in his eyes, eager for Magnus to understand.</p><p>“I don’t seek power over you, Alexander,” Magnus protested.</p><p>“I know,” Alec assured him. He paused, searching for the right words before he added, “But just by being you, by me loving you…you have it.” Alec briefly closed his eyes and when he opened them he let Magnus see his pain and his love as he admitted, “Without you, I suffer. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”</p><p>Magnus nodded, understanding precisely what he was saying for he felt the same.</p><p>“I understand,” Magnus assured him.</p><p>“I always loved you. I always will,” Alec said almost desperately, needing him to know, his voice between agony and ecstasy, a common feeling when it came to loving Magnus after all that had happened. He wanted, he needed, the agony to leave those words. He wanted only the ecstasy to remain.</p><p>“I feel the same, Alexander,” Magnus said warmly, lovingly, his voice filled with longing and a hint of pain and regret.</p><p>Alec took a deep breath and tried for a smile as he suggested, “I….can we be friends and go from there?”</p><p>Magnus nodded eagerly, ready for anything that might lead him back where he wanted to be; in Alec’s heart, mind and arms. Forever.</p><p>“Of course. Always,” Magnus promised.</p><p>Alec smiled for real this time in gratitude for Magnus’ understanding and patience.</p><p>“If you still feel the same for me maybe we can talk about it again in a few months?” Alec suggested shyly.</p><p>Magnus smiled softly, gently at him as he assured him, “That sounds like a great idea, darling.”</p><p>This time when Alec heard the nickname it only made him smile more, no hint of pain flashed across his face.</p><p>“Ok then. Friends?” Alec said and offered Magnus his hand.</p><p>Magnus shook his hand, the symbolic starting over of their relationship, knowing he had been given a new chance. This time around, he would not fuck this up. This time around, he would protect Alec and he would be there for him when things got difficult. In particular when things got difficult.</p><p>“Always. Always!” Magnus swore, his voice filled with unspoken emotions.</p><p>Friends. And maybe someday more. Magnus smiled at the thought. He was immortal. He could wait. For Alec he could wait however long it would take. He was worth it. Alec was worth everything!</p><p>
  <em>The end of part 4</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and feedback would mean so much to me.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Love Finds A Way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec and Magnus grow and heal until they are ready to start over.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Special mention again to brightasstars who like realistic recoveries and characters getting stronger after past issues. With that in mind I hope you like this chapter.<br/>Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.<br/>Chapter warnings: Referenced abuse, an attempt at a more realistic healing process than normal for fanfics, talk of past regrets</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Please read chapter notes for chapter warnings</strong>
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<h1>Chapter 5: Love Finds A Way</h1><p>It has been almost a year since Alec had moved out. It was weird but for a few weeks, it was as if Alec had bloomed and had started having interests and hobbies while Magnus had despaired. For so long his whole world had been Alec and his recovery. Without Alec with him, he was lost for a while. However, a serious talking to from Cat and later Dot and he realized that that was precisely the problem. He wasn’t Alec’s shrink nor his caretaker; he now had professionals for that. He was his friend and hopefully one day more.</p><p>This separation between friendship and professional caregiver had turned out to help them grow closer. Alec could be honest about things he might want to share about Magnus with the people in his help group and the shrink connected to some of those groups. Magnus on his part could seek support from friends and he had also found a professional support network for relatives to people dealing with the type of abuse Alec was recovering from.  It was a relief for Magnus to get advice and insight and just to be able to admit when he felt overwhelmed or frustrated. It enabled them both to be better together and focus on something other than Alec’s traumas and difficulties.</p><p>Little by little, Magnus had started to live again too. He hadn’t started partying like he once had; he loved Alec and no longer had the desire for meaningless hookups. However, he saw friends, he ran his club and his other businesses, saw clients…helped the Nephilim. Most of all he slowly, little by little, started to be friends with Alec.</p><p>Magnus started to realize Alec and he had never done this. They had jumped the whole friendship phase and gone straight to the stormy Romeo and Juliet style romance; complete with the disapproving parents and societal condemnation. Thinking back, Magnus assumed that was why everything had gone wrong; why he had reacted so badly to the whole Soul Sword affair. He had loved Alec but he hadn’t trusted him. He had still been a Nephilim; he had still been a stranger to him in many ways. They had known so relatively little about each other before they had fallen in love. When first their hearts had spoken and their bodies had followed, they had both been floating on small clouds.</p><p>As the experienced lover, Magnus should have known better. He had known he had been Alec’s first everything; first kiss, first lover, first relationship. He should have insisted they get to know each other better; been friends. But when first you take that step forward you can’t really go back. And so they had burned so bright and crashed so spectacularly as only the deepest of loves ever can.</p><p>This, now, despite the horrible circumstances, was Magnus’ chance to actually do this the right way. To get to know Alec. To get to trust him. And for Alec to get to know him; the real him. Alec; pure and sweet Alec who had jumped into this with both feet and never looked back. Alec had trusted him, loved him….hell, he had basically adored the ground he had walked on from the moment he had stammered out his name in greeting. And Magnus had been flattered and overwhelmed because who wouldn’t be? Now Alec had a chance to actually get to know him, the real him. Not the perfect image, not the hero or the Warlock. Just him. The man who could hurt him and make mistakes. The man who could be vain, selfish, childish, and annoying. And yes; self-sacrificing and loving and romantic and outgoing and everything Alec had always seen in him too. But Magnus had his dark sides and Alec had now seen them. And despite everything…he still wanted to be around him. He still wanted him in his life.</p><p>They had started small in their friendship; meeting for coffee. Then they had met for lunch. Then dinner. Then Magnus had asked if Alec wanted to see something of New York and the world. When Alec had agreed Magnus had treated Alec to pizza in Rome, Danish in Copenhagen, fish and chips in London, whisky in Scotland, sushi in Japan….he had shown him a whole new world and Magnus had experienced it all again with awe and wonder as he had seen it through Alec’s eyes. Such a marvel for an immortal being to be a part of a ‘first’; when you are immortal there were so few of those.</p><p>Today was Alec’s day off and as always they had decided to spend the day together the way they recently did with all their days off. Magnus had taken Alec through a portal to Paris for breakfast and they had been watching the Eiffel Tower while eating croissants and sipping coffee. Today was a good day for Alec. Magnus had long ago learned to tell when Alec had good or bad days. Recently, he had more good than bad days but bad days were still there. Magnus knew he had reached a milestone in their relationship when Alec had actually agreed to come by the loft for a ‘Netflix and chill’ kind of evening when he had been feeling down. Magnus had felt honored and trusted and loved more than ever before in his life!</p><p>There had been hard times too. Times were Alec had yelled at him, had hurt himself…had been too depressed to leave the bed. It had been painful and yet, this was the most honest and raw interaction Magnus could recall he had ever had with any person in his life. For most of his life he wore a mask; the party Prince. Often the mask was literal; glitter, makeup and dress up. Alec never hid from him; he had been broken and raw and naked in the figurative sense in front of him and he deserved nothing less than to see the same from Magnus in return. And so, little at a time, he had for the first time ever, allowed someone to see all of him. It was liberating and scary, daunting and amazing.</p><p>They had grown closer this last year in a way they likely would never had done if not for this horrible ordeal. Alec had finally said plainly how betrayed he felt for how Magnus had left him and Magnus had had to admit, with equal honestly, that the fault was 100% his. He had been overtaken by fears of the past and had taken it out on Alec. It might be understandable but that didn’t make it right. They had talked about their anger and pain and they had cried and screamed and finally hugged and forgiven.</p><p>Today was a good day. Alec was smiling, the sun was shining from a clear sky in the early morning on a Tuesday in Paris. The city was quiet and yet buzzing in the way only the city of lights could. Magnus had been entertaining Alec with a tale from his past; a true tale. A real tale. He no longer exaggerated or made up stories when he was with Alec as he had used to do to play a role, to protect himself. He shared the real him with Alec and he in turn shared the real him.</p><p>Magnus smiled fondly when Alec laughed at his retelling of a social faux pas he had done around 150 years ago. Alec had always been real with him but now he was honest with his needs too. He dared to admit to being ‘weak’ or needing something from him. He finally understood he didn’t need to be strong all the time; that it was ok to let Magnus carry his weight at times just as Magnus had learned it was ok to let Alec share in his burdens and his pain.</p><p>“It is great to see you laugh again. You always laughed too little,” Magnus commented with a smile as Alec’s laughter died away.</p><p>“It is easy with you around,” Alec said honestly, giving him a warm look and giving his hand on the table a gentle squeeze.</p><p>“I am pretty great,” Magnus teased but his eyes were honest and open.</p><p>Impulsively Magnus took Alec’s hands to his lips. He looked into Alec’s eyes to be sure he was ok with everything he did and his grip on his fingers was firm but not tight. Alec’s eyes were filled with love and curiosity, and then shyness and joy as Magnus kissed his hand before putting their combined hands back on the table.</p><p>“You are,” Alec admitted softly, clearly moved by the sweet gesture. He was about to speak, clearly overcome by the emotions of the moment, but then stopped and seemed to hesitate. </p><p>“Alexander?” Magnus prompted, a hint of worry in his tone. Alec almost never stopped himself from saying something to Magnus these days.</p><p>“Do you….” Alec started but then stopped, biting his lower lip nervously.</p><p>“Yes?” Magnus prompted.</p><p>“That talk we had the day I told you I was moving out…” Alec began shyly, blushing.</p><p>“Yes?” Magnus encouraged again, his heart in his throat. Could it be? Was this really….would Alec want….Could it be? Could Alec truly maybe want them….to be back together?!</p><p>“Do you still feel like that?” Alec finished in a rush and looked down, clearly afraid of being rejected.</p><p>“Like what?” Magnus asked, frowning. Then realization dawned on him and joy and affection showed in his eyes. “If I still love you?”</p><p>“Yes,” Alec said, nodding, looking at him with huge worried eyes.</p><p>“Of course!” Magnus said strongly, nodding to emphasize his point. “Always!”</p><p>Alec smiled happily but then the smile died a bit as he added, “But do you…”</p><p>“Want to date you again?” Magnus supplied eagerly, trying hard not to sound too eager and maybe scare him away.</p><p>Alec blushed again as he nodded, “Yes.”</p><p>“Yes. More than anything else in my life,” Magnus said honestly, heartfelt.</p><p>Alec gave him an intense look, checking to see if he meant it but saw only love and affection in his expression.</p><p>“Kiss me,” Alec asked hoarsely, hopefully, his voice filled with love and need, insecurity and doubt, hope and fear.</p><p>Magnus smiled happily and leaned close as he put a hand on Alec’s cheek. Then he hesitated and looked at him worriedly.</p><p>“Are you sure? I don’t want to…” Magnus started to say.</p><p>“I want to,” Alec insisted, blushing furiously, looking shy and uncertain, his voice holding a hint of frustration and fear of rejection. His expression softened as he added in a warm but worried tone, love and fear in his eyes, “If you want to that is.”</p><p>“Always,” Magnus assured him tenderly, making Alec give him a relieved look.</p><p>Magnus smiled as he leant in and claimed Alec’s lips in a firm and loving, kind and gentle kiss.</p><p>“How was that?” Magnus asked with a voice filled with emotions at finally, after so long, having kissed the man he loved again.</p><p>Alec opened his eyes, unware he had closed them to start with.</p><p>“Perfect,” Alec hummed contently, happy with himself for having been able to enjoy the kiss and focus only on that; not the bad memories of the past but just this moment.</p><p>“Does this mean….” Magnus asked hopefully, stroking Alec’s cheek lovingly and smiling when Alec leaned into the touch and put his own hand over Magnus’ on his cheek.</p><p>“Yes?” Alec prompted with a fond look and a hint of teasing.</p><p>Magnus smiled, happy to see so much of Alec’s confidence was returning after Jonathan. It was a battle; Alec had always been insecure and prone to feelings of being inadequate and harming himself. But little by little Magnus had discovered he could be there for him. Not as a shrink but as a friend which in many ways, at least at this stage, had turned out to be so much better.</p><p>“That we’re…you know…dating?” Magnus asked a bit hesitantly, trying not to make any assumptions or put any pressure on Alec.  </p><p>“If you still want to,” Alec said honestly and now he sounded hesitant and shy.</p><p>“Oh, I want to!” Magnus assured him in a strong but warm tone.</p><p>Alec smiled happily at that but then his expression clouded.</p><p>“But….about sex….I…” Alec stammered, unsure how to say it, looking away in shame.</p><p>Magnus put a hand on Alec’s chin and turned him back to face him, tipping his face up. When Alec looked into Magnus’ eyes again he saw only love and understanding there and it almost blew his mind.</p><p>“Never mind about that, Alexander! I love you for <strong>you</strong>,” Magnus assured him in an affectionate tone.</p><p>“But surely….I mean….You’re…” Alec got out, blushing even further.</p><p>“What?” Magnus asked puzzled.</p><p>“Well….you like…sex,” Alec finally got out in a shy and weak tone, blushing a deep red as he said it, feeling inadequate for being unable to give that key relationship component at this time.</p><p>“Who doesn’t, darling?” Magnus admitted frankly but kindly. He gave Alec a loving look as he added, “But I love you and that beats sex any day of the week.”</p><p>Alec smiled happily and hesitantly leaned closer. Magnus smiled encouraging to him and Alec gave him a quick almost chaste kiss. He looked a bit anxious as he looked at Magnus, afraid the kiss had been bad in some way, used to Jonathan always talking down to him. But Magnus was smiling so happily at him Alec couldn’t help but smile back, relieved and calmed.</p><p>“I will get better about it,” Alec told him firmly.</p><p>“I know,” Magnus assured him, squeezing his nearest hand.</p><p>“I just need….time,” Alec admitted with a hint of frustration at this fact.</p><p>“I am immortal. I have forever,” Magnus reminded him kindly.</p><p>“I don’t,” Alec countered with an edge of annoyance at this fact.</p><p>Alec wished he had forever with Magnus; forever to grow and heal so he would not feel pressured or rushed. Oh, Magnus never rushed him but he rushed himself.</p><p>“Maybe we should first try to date and then take it from there?” Magnus suggested kindly.</p><p>Alec nodded and sighed, seeing his point.</p><p>Magnus gave him another loving kiss. When they pulled apart, Magnus gave him an intense and heated gaze that had Alec blush and shiver with excitement.</p><p>“We could first try to do something sexual with our clothes on,” Magnus suggested with a wink.</p><p>“On? Both of us?” Alec asked surprised. Was sex not supposed to be with their clothes off?</p><p>Magnus nodded as he confirmed in a sensual tone, “Yes.”</p><p>Alec blushed but then nodded, getting excited by the idea and amazed at how considerate Magnus was in trying to find a way for them to move forward slowly and at a pace Alec could follow. But he was still a bit scared he would fuck it up.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“When you are ready, darling,” Magnus assured him in a calming voice.</p><p>Alec gave him a reassuring smile to let him know he knew that. He took another sip of his coffee before he thought of something.</p><p>“I was thinking….” Alec started slowly, pausing to find the right words, a bit afraid maybe Magnus would take offence at the suggestion.  “A few of the guys from the group I’m in told me that….there’s this group for partners and…”</p><p>“I would love to be a part of that!” Magnus said strongly, his voice sure and warm.</p><p>“You would? Really?” Alec asked joyfully, smiling.</p><p>“Yes, of course. It would enable me to help you better by ensuring I am ok myself. That I have someone to share with as you do,” Magnus said matter of fact.</p><p>“Yes. That’s….that’s precisely it,” Alec agreed happily, smiling even more. Then his mind caught up with him and he gave Magnus a fond but accusing look as he figured it out. “Wait a minute….you are already in such a group, aren’t you?”</p><p>Magnus smiled as he took a sip of his coffee before he confirmed, “Yes.”</p><p>Alec looked at him in awe and wonder, amazed he had already thought of that, done that, for him, for himself, on his own initiative.</p><p>“But….we first talked about starting our relationship again now,” Alec protested.</p><p>“I wanted to be there for you in the best way possible, however that might be, in whatever function you wanted me to be,” Magnus said honestly.</p><p>“That’s….wow. You’re amazing,” Alec admitted breathlessly, giving the Warlock an adoring and love stuck look.</p><p>“I’m ok,” Magnus replied honestly, seriously, being finally able to see himself for who and what he was. To love himself for who and what he was without playing a role. Just like Alec had learned to face himself after his ordeal so had Magnus.</p><p>“I think this thing has shown us both we are not without flaws and that we make mistakes but that that’s ok. I think it has shown us not to love an idolized image of each other but the real us….with flaws and all,” Magnus added thoughtfully.</p><p>“That’s….very deep,” Alec told him with a smile but his tone was honest and real.</p><p>“I can be. At times,” Magnus reminded him with a wink but his eyes were still sincere.</p><p>“True,” Alec agreed, smiling.</p><p>Magnus smiled back before he took hold of both of Alec’s hands in his and looked intensely at him.</p><p>“I love you, Alexander. I am so sorry for the past. Thank you for giving me a second chance. I won’t ever betray you like that ever again. I swear to you,” Magnus said emotionally, heartfelt.</p><p>Alec blushed a bit at the emotions in Magnus’ expression.</p><p>“Thank you. I promise I will always be honest; also about what I fear and what I want. I love you too,” Alec said, moved by his words, his words equally raw and heartfelt.</p><p>When their lips met again it was a kiss promising a new beginning; a better start. A way to move on; together. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you would like to read a long story that details Alec struggling with PTSD and his recovery process then read Shining Through where Alec and Jace slowly recover after they were rescued from having been held captive and tortured:<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603762<br/>Feedback and kudos would mean a lot to me so I hope to hear from you :)</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Love Is Always Patient</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Magnus shows Alec how much he loves him by offering him an eternity of love and support.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers as always.<br/>Thanks so much to Regina for the art.<br/>Chapter warnings: Mention of characters wanting to have sex, talking about sex and doing sexual activities. Flashbacks mentioned. Hints of sexual abuse.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Please read chapter notes for chapter warnings. Notice that there is talk about sex in this chapter and that Malec are doing sexual activities (not detailed as I am keeping the mature rating but be aware of it)</strong>
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</p><h1>Love Is Always Patient</h1><p>Alec and Magnus had now been dating for close to two years. Alec had moved back into the loft after they had been dating for a few months. He still had bad days but they were fewer and fewer. They had slowly started doing sexual activities again. Small things first and then taking one step at a time. Some things were still off limits to them – like handcuffs or restraints of any kind as it was too traumatic for Alec even now. Sometimes Alec still got flashbacks or was triggered by something but it happened less and less. All the same, Alec got very frustrated whenever it happened.</p><p>It was early evening and Alec had just returned home from work. They had had a glass of wine and then a few more before dinner. One thing had led to the next and their hunger for each other had surpassed their hunger for dinner. Soon they were in the bedroom together, on their bed, naked and panting with need.</p><p>When they had restarted being sexually active together they had started with everything other than penetrative sex; before Jonathan, Magnus and Alec had not been together long enough for them to have gotten very adventurous in bed. They had had penetrative sex a few times however, with Magnus showing Alec slowly and patiently how it was done and how good it could feel to have someone you love and trust be inside of you in such a primal way. With Magnus, it had felt amazing; Alec had felt loved and desired and worshiped when his lover had been inside of him. With Jonathan, it had been anything but that. Even after two years they had not tried it. However, both of them had missed it as Alec had used to love feeling Magnus inside of him and the Warlock had loved feeling that closeness to his lover.</p><p>Sex had become something they needed to discuss and think about. Alec was embarrassed about it but Magnus had no issues with discussing sex. As Jonathan had always topped they had talked about maybe Alec wanted to try that position and see if he might like it. However, reflecting on it Alec found the very idea too triggering for him as he kept imagining how Jonathan had acted. He never wanted to do that to Magnus. He knew logically just being in a similar sexual position would not mean he was suddenly like Jonathan but he just couldn’t shake that image. Therefore, that had been a no go.</p><p>Tonight Alec had decided they should try and go for it. He didn’t want Jonathan’s ghost to keep being in the bedroom with them. He wanted to feel Magnus inside again, to have that connection to him. And nothing would stop that!</p><p>So far they were doing good; Magnus was stretching him slowly, considerate and thoughtful, loving and slow. Being with Magnus sexually again had reminded Alec that sex could be good, could be loving and kind and giving.</p><p>“Is that good?” Magnus asked softly, his voice darkened by lust.</p><p>“Oh, Yes!” Alec got out, whimpering under him, his hands fisting the bedsheets, arousal clear in his eyes. He moaned in pleasure, feeling safe with Magnus, secure.</p><p>“Like that? Is that what you want?” Magnus asked caringly in a voice filled with desire.</p><p>Alec suddenly froze, his arousal instantly dying. He could hear Jonathan’s voice echoing in his mind, <em>Is that what you want? </em>And then he would….</p><p>Magnus frowned, noticing Alec had stopped moving and had tensed. He was starting to shake a little, his eyes having taken on a far away look.</p><p>“Alexander? Darling?” Magnus asked worried and stopped what he was doing, looking concerned at Alec.</p><p>Alec forced his mind back to the present and a shudder ran through him as he fought the irrational fear away.</p><p>“S….Sorry. I…sorry,” Alec mumbled, turning his face away in shame at having ruined this beautiful moment between them. “Just….just ignore it. Just continue.”</p><p>Magnus gave him a sympathetic look filled with shared pain.</p><p>“No, no, darling. Of course, I won’t continue now. It’s fine,” Magnus assured him as he snapped his fingers and had them cleaned up. He moved to lie beside Alec on the bed and smiled softly at him, stroking some hair out of his eyes.</p><p>“Come here,” Magnus encouraged as he opened his arms and Alec snuggled close to his chest.</p><p>Magnus held him close and warm, snapping his fingers and making the covers come over them. He mumbled words of endearment and encouragement in his ear and stroked his hair until Alec slowly stopped shaking. Finally, after a while Alec had calmed down enough to find his voice. He gave Magnus a grateful but embarrassed look.</p><p>“Damnit! This shouldn’t keep happening,” Alec said in frustration, angry with himself.</p><p>Magnus shook his head and tightened his arms around him.</p><p>“It doesn’t keep happening. We have done many sexual things together,” Magnus reminded him. He looked into his eyes to be sure he was fully back and ok before he softly kissed his lips.</p><p>“But this still happens,” Alec said annoyed when they drew apart.</p><p>“Sometimes, yes,” Magnus agreed.</p><p>“I don’t want it to! I don’t want him to have this power,” Alec admitted in a small voice.</p><p>“He doesn’t, darling. You are ok. You are happy. That’s your revenge,” Magnus said firmly, tenderly.</p><p>Alec smiled at him, calmed and relieved by his words.</p><p>Alec stroked Magnus’ cheek as he said affectionately, “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Magnus said heartfelt.</p><p>“Sorry I ruined it,” Alec said regretfully, looking away in shame.</p><p>“Hush!” Magnus demanded and put a finger to his lips. “You ruined nothing!”</p><p>Alec gave him a grateful smile but he could still feel Magnus’ erection pressed against him. While his flashback had killed his own desire and most of Magnus’ then Alec’s closeness, both of them still naked, had Magnus’ body reacting accordingly.</p><p>“Do you want to…” Alec asked vaguely, blushing, nodding towards Magnus’ crotch.</p><p>Magnus smiled disarmingly and kissed the top of Alec’s head affectionately.</p><p>“What I want is to go have something to eat,” Magnus declared, reminding them both they hadn’t had dinner yet.</p><p>He carefully got out from Alec’s embrace and out of the bed. He snapped his fingers and he was wearing dark pants and a tunic.</p><p>“Come darling,” Magnus said, reaching out a hand to Alec.</p><p>“Thank you,” Alec said with a smile at the sweet gesture as he let Magnus help him out of bed and to his feet.</p><p>Once out of bed they embraced and kissed softly.</p><p>“Always,” Magnus said warmly as they pulled apart.</p><p>Magnus snapped his fingers and Alec wore relaxing and loose black pants and a loose long-sleeve grey shirt; just the kind of thing he liked to wear when they were alone. Alec smiled in thanks and they walked hand in hand to the kitchen.</p><p>Magnus quickly magic’d up an amazing Italian inspired meal on the balcony, arranged on a small table with a white tablecloth, live candles and fairy lights along the bannister. It was beautiful and romantic.</p><p>“Was it ok?” Magnus asked as they had finished their meal, sipping the last of the red wine.</p><p>“Everything was perfect as always,” Alec assured him with a fond smile.</p><p>“Conjuring up food is not nearly as difficult as when you cook, darling,” Magnus protested but still smiled at his words.</p><p>“All the same. Thank you.”</p><p>Magnus nodded as he took a sip of his wine, a thoughtful expression on his face as he thought about what Alec had said about feeling it was frustrating he still had flashbacks and how he several times earlier had mentioned he was afraid of time running away from him; from them.</p><p>Magnus had known for a long time he wanted someone to share his immortality with but he had never found that person. He was now certain he wanted Alec to be that person but would Alec accept? It was a huge sacrifice to see everyone else grow old and die. Well, except the vampires. And Seelies. And….ok, so there were a few loopholes to that. In fact, everyone Alec knew could become immortal if they wished it but the passing of time was still hard to bear. Would he say yes? He had feared Alec’s rejection but he was starting to realize it was pure cowardice on his part. Alec had never rejected him or turned him away before. In fact, it had only ever been he who had done that. He owed it to Alec to believe in him and in his love.</p><p>“Alexander, I want to ask you something,” Magnus started to say seriously, giving Alec an intense look.</p><p>Alec looked puzzled at him as he asked, “Yes?”</p><p>“I had this whole romantic over the top thing planned. Expensive restaurant, musicians….the whole thing,” Magnus babbled, realizing he was nervous.</p><p>“I am sure I will like whatever it is,” Alec assured him, smiling, making Magnus smile back.</p><p>“But I think this idea might be better,” Magnus said with a fond smile.</p><p>He snapped his fingers and classical musical instruments were flying by magic around them in the air, playing softly for them. Additionally, magical small golden stars were making the air glitter.</p><p>“Wow,” Alec said as he looked around. “This is….beautiful,” Alec told him in awe.</p><p>Magnus took a deep breath to get courage before he rose from his chair, Alec’s eyes following him. He went over to Alec’s chair and as soon as he bent on one knee he could see Alec fighting to breathe and his eyes go misty, realizing what was happening. He took Alec’s right hand between both of his and looked up at him.</p><p>“Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” Magnus started seriously, nervously. He had never done this before in his life; another first he was experiencing with Alec. “You are everything to me and I never want to part from you ever again. Would you consider sharing my immortality with me and be mine forever?”</p><p>Alec smiled down at him, completely dumbstruck and awed.</p><p>“Are you…proposing?” Alec got out.</p><p>Magnus grinned as he nodded and said, “I am trying to; yes.” He paused as he added anxiously, trying to think where he had put it, so nervous his brain was not quite working correctly, “I even have a ring and….”</p><p>“And asking me to be immortal?” Alec asked to confirm, trying to get his brain to work again, interrupting Magnus’ musings on whether to magic the ring here now or later so it ended up being later.</p><p>“Yes,” Magnus said and then hesitated as he added, “You have said several times you were upset with feeling you were running out of time; not healing fast enough. Not doing things fast enough. Now you never have to fear that ever again.”</p><p>Alec just stared at him, completely blown away as he got out, “Wow.”</p><p>“Is that a yes?” Magnus asked hopefully with a hint of teasing.</p><p>Alec smiled warmly but then frowned as he warned in a pained tone, “I am still…broken. I mean I still….like tonight.”</p><p>“Alexander, I am a bit bruised, bent and broken too. If you can love me for me please believe me that I can love you for you,” Magnus told him strongly, his grip on Alec’s hand strong and sure.</p><p>Alec smiled joyfully at that but had to be sure as he asked, “But forever? You can deal with me like this forever?”</p><p>“Even if you will always have flashbacks or something else might happen to you then yes; I would still want you with me forever and I would still love you forever,” Magnus said seriously, his words heartfelt and true. “What I found out after I left you was that my life has no meaning without you.”</p><p>“Even…like this?” Alec insisted, unable to quite believe it.</p><p>“Alexander, I love you just as you are,” Magnus repeated firmly, lovingly. He hesitated as he asked, “Do you?”</p><p>“Do I what?” Alec asked confused.</p><p>“Love me for me?” Magnus got out, letting his own insecurity shine through.</p><p>“Yes, of course!” Alec confirmed, confused by the question. As if there could ever be any doubt of that. Ever!</p><p>Magnus smiled happy and relieved at that.</p><p>“Then please believe me when I say I want nothing else in my life and I have never wanted anything in my life more than to marry you and share my immortal life with you,” Magnus told him affectionately, his eyes misty with emotions.</p><p>“Ok,” Alec said shyly, fighting tears of joy of his own.</p><p>“Ok? Is that a yes?” Magnus asked joyfully, needing to be certain before his heart exploded.</p><p>Alec grinned widely as he knelt down on the ground beside Magnus and threw his arms around his neck in joy.</p><p>“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I will marry you and be yours forever!” Alec proclaimed joyfully.</p><p>“Alexander!” Magnus said happily, as he pulled a bit back so they could kiss passionately.</p><p>They were both smiling like idiots when they drew apart, clinging to each other as if for dear life, still half kneeling on the floor but neither of them felt uncomfortable. They felt happier than they had ever felt in their lives.</p><p>“How will this immortality thing work though? I mean will I become a vampire or…” Alec asked curiously, his voice making it clear he didn’t mind either way if it meant he could be with Magnus forever.</p><p>Magnus shook his head.</p><p>“No, no. It will be a bit like a parabatai bond; a sharing of souls. At the wedding, our souls will be tied together and in this way my immortality will be shared with you. You will always be a Shadowhunter.”</p><p>Alec couldn’t help but smile at that, trying to imagine how that would be.</p><p>“That sounds amazing,” Alec said joyfully, feeling at peace, feeling loved, feeling complete at the thought of having that with Magnus.</p><p>“I look forward to every day with you for the rest of eternity. That will indeed be amazing and so much more than that,” Magnus assured him tenderly.</p><p>“Me too. I love you. Always,” Alec confirmed happily.</p><p>“I love you too. Alexander, always. All parts of you,” Magnus said lovingly.</p><p>They kissed again and held each other for a long time. In fact, they would hold each other for the rest of eternity, together forever until the stars burned out and beyond that.</p><p>Their love had healed each other and would continue to do so. As the years passed, Jonathan became a distant memory until the day arrived where Alec could recall only certain episodes of what had happened, all of them with emotional detachment as the passing of time combined with Magnus’ ever present love had indeed healed all wounds.</p><p>Magnus had never thought he would have been able to truly rise again, rise above what he had done to Alec and how he had left him when he had needed him the most. To have him now, forever and always, to know Alec completely, for Alec to know him, the real him, completely, was a dream come true.</p><p>Alec had never thought he would ever truly rise. No one until Magnus had ever noticed him. Until the day when Magnus had no longer noticed him; no longer seen him but seen his own hurtful past and had flung him aside. He had survived the unspeakable and come out the other side of it.</p><p>Alec’s love for Magnus had survived a test of fire and gotten stronger by it. He now truly knew Magnus, and Magnus truly knew him back. They now saw each other as real people; the real them and they only loved each other more for it.</p><p>Alec had risen from the ashes, stronger, better and finally at peace with himself. Finally happy.</p><p>Forever loved.</p><p>Forever safe.</p><p>Forever together.</p><p>
  <em>The end</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My lovely girls - brightasstars and PhoenixStar73 - wanted immortal Alec and a fluffy ending. And brightasstars wanted realistic healing for what Alec had been through. Hope I delivered. :) </p><p>Hope you all enjoyed the story and if so then kudos and feedback would mean a lot to me. </p><p>If you liked this story you might like my other Malec stories: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/works?fandom_id=6856609</p>
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